Out with the old

As most of you know, I am on spring break this week and I have been trying to make the most of my time. I have seen friends, spent time with my family, gone on a date (#4! Keep your fingers crossed!), and I have scrubbed my apartment from top to bottom and cleaned out all of my closets. Today my mom came and helped me with the big one: my bedroom closet. It was my goal to get rid of all of the clothes that didn't fit, which, as it turns out, is most of them. Most of you know that over the last couple years my weight has fluctuated quite a bit. As a result, when I walked into my closet this morning, there were clothes in 7 different sizes. That is insanity! As I was cleaning out the things that no longer fit I was shocked by how small some of those clothes were. I distinctly remember still feeling like a huge fatty while wearing them. Now I wonder how in the world I was ever that small. As my mom and I were folding these clothes up and putting them in the box it felt like I was saying goodbye to someone. I don't know if I'll ever be that size again. I don't know if I have the will-power or motivation to work that hard again. I miss that girl. But I don't hate the girl I am now. This is the battle I've had with myself for most of my life: I want to be thin but I also want to accept who I am right now. My weight is something that I struggle with constantly, physically, mentally, and emotionally. So here's my prayer: Dear God, Please help me to be the best and healthiest me that I can be and love myself whatever that means. Amen.