Goodbye Bea

When I navigated to Yahoo just now to check my email a very sad headline greeted me. "Golden Girl passes away." Next to it was a picture of Bea Arthur. Now I'm not normally a girl who gets overly emotional over the lives or deaths of celebrities. Of course it's sad when another human being dies, and I pray for peace and comfort for their families, but I don't normally feel a sense of personal loss. That wasn't the case when I saw this headline. I don't know why, I but I feel very saddened over her passing. Maybe it's because I'm such a fan of The Golden Girls (who isn't? If you're not, I don't think we can be friends.), or maybe it's because I relate so much to the character she plays on that show (see my facebook page, I took the quiz, I'm a Dorothy). Whatever the reason, the passing of Bea Arthur has made me sad.
Dear Bea,
Thank you for providing me with countless hours of wonderful entertainment and for sharing your talent with us. Thank you for being my TV friend. You will be greatly missed.
A.

i thank You God for most this amazing

- e.e. cummings i thank You God for most this amazing

day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth

day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay

great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing

breathing any-lifted from the no

of all nothing-human merely being

doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

April is the cruelest month...

This year I have found that T.S. Eliot knew what he was talking about when he said "April is the cruelest month." (It's the first line from "The Waste Land" if anyone is interested.) Now, nothing truly terrible has happened to me this month, just a series of annoying incidents, that combined, make for a month that is, at best, a comedy of errors.
On Sunday the 5th, while driving home from date #2 (which was really fun!) I was rear-ended by a guy who was tailgating and not paying attention. Luckily, Gracie and I were uninjured, but Betsy (by cute little Corolla) didn't fare quite as well. She's been in the shop for over two weeks now getting a new rear. The rental car that I have been driving (a Grand Prix) has been problematic. Today I had to return it to the rental agency because a warning light came on for the second time. And the driver's door locked when I got out to put gas in it. The other doors were unlocked, but I didn't find this out until there was already a patrolman there trying to unlock the door. Talk about feeling like an idiot! The rental agency gave me a new car, which I'm totally in love with (a Toyota 4Runner) and of course, my car is scheduled to be done tomorrow. Just my luck.
On the Sunday after the car accident I awoke in the middle of the night with the most painful acid reflux of my life. The next morning my throat was swollen nearly shut from the irritation and I was in pain every time I swallowed. Luckily, I am fine, but that was an annoying way to start my spring break. Not to mention I spent $50 dollars at the Urgent Care getting a diagnosis: there's nothing we can do for you.
On Monday I was in the middle of teaching my English II class (sophomores) when I sat down on my stool and crack...bam. The stool broke and I came crashing to the floor, hitting my head on the radiator behind me. I opened my eyes to see 20 15 year olds, mouths agape, eyes bulging, waiting to see if I was alive. Luckily, having been clumsy for my entire life, I'm used to these things, so I said "I'm okay, you can laugh." Luckily (again), my sophomores, while a chatty bunch, are great kids. They asked me if I was okay and didn't laugh (too much). Now, two days later, I still have a sore knot on the back of my head, which makes styling my hair every morning a painful experience.
Again, none of these things are horrible, they are just annoying. I guess it's better to have a series slightly annoying incidents than one really huge terrible accident, so I'm trying to be thankful for that. I just want this month (or at least my streak of bad luck) to be over!

Things to celebrate

I've come to realize that my blog has taken a somewhat whiny tone and I don't like it. I make a concerted effort, every day, not to whine. I know what a lucky girl I am and try to remember to say a prayer of thanks each day. There are days that I forget, but I think I do it more than I don't. My life certainly isn't perfect, but there are more good things than bad, and that's more than a lot of people can say, especially right now. So, in an effort not to forget all of the things in my life I have to celebrate, here's a short list of things that make my imperfect, wonderful life a little more enjoyable.
1. Great friends. I have wonderful friends whom I love very much. Most of them, I've known since I was a little girl. How lucky I am to have such loyal people in my life!
2. Wonderful family. I love my parents very much. My mom is my best friend. My dad is very supportive. My brother, who still irks me beyond belief, loves me. When I need something he's always there.
3. A job I love. Do my students drive me absolutely insane on a daily basis? Yes. Do I love getting to know them and watch them grow up? Absolutely.
4. A wonderful dog. My Gracie is the best dog on the planet. She is sweet and gentle and I love cuddling up to her warm fur on cold nights.
5. Books. I love reading. I love to pick up a book and travel to another place and time. It's a free vacation I can take without leaving my apartment.
6. Spring. It's finally here! The sun is out, the flowers are blooming, and (in spite of the pollen) it's a great time of year!
7. Summer vacation. I'm looking forward to spending the summer lounging by the pool, devouring books, and exercising more. Teachers are the luckiest people in the world!
It's easy for us all to focus on the bad things in our lives. They seem to take up so much more time and energy. It's important, though, for us to remember all the things we have in our lives that make them worth living!

Because sometimes I get tired of waiting and I know Emily understands me.

VI. -Emily Dickinson

If you were coming in the Fall,
I'd brush the Summer by
With half a smile, and half a spurn,
As Housewives do, a Fly.

If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls --
And put them each in separate Drawers,
For fear the numbers fuse --

If only Centuries, delayed,
I'd count them on my Hand,
Subtracting, till my fingers dropped
Into Van Dieman's Land.

If certain, when this life was out --
That yours and mine, should be
I'd toss it yonder, like a Rind,
And take Eternity --

But, now, uncertain of the length
Of this, that is between,
It goads me, like the Goblin Bee --
That will not state -- its sting.

Out with the old

As most of you know, I am on spring break this week and I have been trying to make the most of my time. I have seen friends, spent time with my family, gone on a date (#4! Keep your fingers crossed!), and I have scrubbed my apartment from top to bottom and cleaned out all of my closets. Today my mom came and helped me with the big one: my bedroom closet. It was my goal to get rid of all of the clothes that didn't fit, which, as it turns out, is most of them. Most of you know that over the last couple years my weight has fluctuated quite a bit. As a result, when I walked into my closet this morning, there were clothes in 7 different sizes. That is insanity! As I was cleaning out the things that no longer fit I was shocked by how small some of those clothes were. I distinctly remember still feeling like a huge fatty while wearing them. Now I wonder how in the world I was ever that small. As my mom and I were folding these clothes up and putting them in the box it felt like I was saying goodbye to someone. I don't know if I'll ever be that size again. I don't know if I have the will-power or motivation to work that hard again. I miss that girl. But I don't hate the girl I am now. This is the battle I've had with myself for most of my life: I want to be thin but I also want to accept who I am right now. My weight is something that I struggle with constantly, physically, mentally, and emotionally. So here's my prayer: Dear God, Please help me to be the best and healthiest me that I can be and love myself whatever that means. Amen.

The Single Life

As you know, faithful readers, I am a single girl nearing 30. This has its good and bad aspects. There are times when I love being a single girl in the world. I like the quiet of my apartment. I like being able to put stuff where I want to put stuff. I like not having to share the remote control or my bathroom with anyone else. There are times, however, when I really hate it, and lately I've noticed quite a few instances when being a single girl has been really terrible. As most of you surely know, I have recently completed the National Board process. On the day I mailed my box (one of my happiest days!) I wanted to go out to celebrate, or at least to go out to the local Mexican restaurant for dinner and possibly margaritas, but everyone I know had other stuff going on. When I finished taking the test for Boards on Saturday morning I wanted to call someone to share my excitement at finally being completely done with this process but everyone was busy and I couldn't get anyone on the phone. These are things that I would really like to have had someone to share them with, someone to call and say "Honey, I'm finished! Let's go out to dinner!" Sunday morning at about 3:30 am I woke up feeling really icky. Waking up sick and alone in the middle of the night is one of the worst feelings in the entire world. I really wished that there was someone there- not to take care of me, just to know that I wasn't alone and if I did need someone that someone was there. I want someone to share things with. Don't get me wrong, I have the most wonderful, amazing, loving, kind, generous friends in the world and I love them so much but there are things I want in this life that friends can't give me. I want to fall in love and have someone to share my life with, the good and the bad. I'm going to keep looking, surely he's out there somewhere.

This will make you happy.

I love this video of Susan Boyle singing on Britain's Got Talent. I can't begin to describe it so you're just going to have to watch it for yourself to find out why it made me cry and smile and my heart happy. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

An open letter to parents about dog etiquette

Dear parents,
I have two concerns. Please teach your children proper dog etiquette, not only for the safety of your children, but also for the welfare of my dog. I live in an apartment complex and frequently encounter children while walking my dog. The children whose parents have taught them about dogs ask me if the dog bites and when I tell them no, they ask if they can pet her. While I'm not completely comfortable with this, the kids who ask are almost always more gentle with my dog and therefore less likely to cause any problems. My major concern with this scenario, however, is that it's not safe for kids to do that, unfortunately. While I, myself, am not going to abduct and harm a child, there are lots of people who will. It's dangerous for a child to approach an adult to play with a dog. If you've taught your kids about dog manners take a few minutes and teach them not to talk to strangers. My next problem is with kids who don't ask if they can pet my dog, just run up to her, get in her face, and try to hang all over her. My dog is the most gentle dog in the world, but she's still a dog. Even though she has no history of snapping or biting that doesn't mean that she will never do it. Every dog who bit someone had to do it for the first time sometime. I love my dog and don't want her to do something that will get her in trouble, or God forbid, put down, because your child doesn't know how to behave around dogs. Teach your child that he/she must ask before touching someone else's dog.
I love my dog. You love your kid. Let's make sure nothing happens to either of them.
A

Because we all do too much

The peace of wild things by Wendell Berry

When despair grows in me
and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting for their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Email This Poem to a Friend