In case you forget...

I'm feeling quite postie today, so here's one more just because we all forget how phenomenal we are sometimes.

PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

How are you dealing with the recession?

I am very lucky to have not yet been severely impacted by the recession. That doesn't mean, however, that I'm not going to make changes to the way I live. When I started teaching just 8 short years ago teaching was a safe, steady job- who fires good teachers when there's a teacher shortage? Now it's entirely possible that my position (which is federally funded) will be cut at the end of the semester. That scares the shit out of me. Admittedly, I am not good with money. My recent weight loss and gain prompted me to buy two new wardrobes: one for the new skinny me and one for the new fat me. That has put me in quite a bit of credit card debt. I have, however, learned a valuable lesson. I have not used a credit card in over six months and do not intend to ever use one again. I am working now to pay off balances a little at a time and that takes quite a bite out of my budget. As a result, I thought I'd share some of the ways that I'm cutting small amounts out of my budget that lead to big savings when all added up and not drastically changing my lifestyle.
1. I buy generic. I have found very few generic products that aren't as good (or at least nearly as good) as the brand name and they're tons cheaper. I love Ben & Jerry's, but it's a little pricey on a budget. You can buy store brand that tastes quite similar and is half the price for twice as much ice cream. Who doesn't love twice as much ice cream? I have, however, found a few exceptions to this. I will NEVER again buy generic detergent. I got a rash that I will never forget. I also have stopped buying salon hair products but don't buy the bargain basement brands either- I stick to the middle- not as good as salon but not as bad on my hair as the generic.
2. I get my hair cut every two months now, not every six weeks. This may not sound like a big deal, but it saves me about $100 a year. Instead of 8 cuts I get 6 and it isn't really noticeable. (This suggestion actually came from my mom. Thanks Mama!)
3. Instead of going to the movies I watch movies on pay-per-view. (I know it isn't called this anymore but I still call the computer program used to look for library books the card catalog- what can I say? I'm an old fashioned girl.) Going to the movies can be pretty expensive- it's $9.50 at one of the local theaters now. Renting a movie from cable, however, only costs $3.99. This also saves on popcorn and drinks and we all know if you get snacks at the movies you can spend an entire month's grocery budget! And you can watch in your pjs. They frown on that at the movie theater.
4. I use coupons. I got one of those coupon books school kids are always selling. The thing has paid for itself. It only costs $25 and the coupon on the first page was for a free oil change- that alone costs $35. There are lots of coupons for half price dinners and even some free stuff. Check the money mailer that comes each month. There is lots of good stuff in there. The Sunday paper is also a really great source for coupons. You can also find discount codes if you're buying stuff on the internet. You can also print off coupons on the internet.
5. Buy used stuff and sell your old stuff. Take books that you aren't going to read again to a used book store. That's a great way to earn some extra cash. They also will frequently give you trade credit to buy books in their store. This is great if you love books like I do. They also usually sell movies and DVDs so you can get rid of the ones that you're never going to watch or listen to again. I do this every couple of months and the money you make really adds up (and cuts down on clutter in your house).
6. I keep the heat in my apartment pretty low. Some of my friends complain about this when they come over but I just toss them a blanket. Last month I saved $15 on my electric bill by turning down the heat. Do I get cold? Yes. But I just put on some fuzzy socks and wrap up in a blanket.
7. I'm trying really really really hard to eat out less. This has been the most difficult for me. It's so easy to run out and pick something up but it also adds up really quickly. It's my goal this week to eat out only on Saturday night. I've stocked up on groceries and am set. I have plenty of food in my house and am going to do my best to stick to this. This will also help me lose some weight and I need to do that too!
8. I pick out one miscellaneous expenditure each month. This month it's curtains for my bedroom. Next month it's going to the the Twilight movie. (I have an unnatural obsession with Robert Pattinson.) In the spring it'll probably be pedicures. Just like on a diet, if I completely deny myself everything I'll overspend. This way I am buying something I want but not going overboard with it.
These are just of few of the things I'm doing to try to ease the strain on my pocketbook. They've helped me and I hope they can help you too!

Make yourself happy

It seems like such a simple idea but it's so hard for so many of us. We have to make ourselves happy. We can't wait for someone else to do it. We have to find our own happiness and we have to find it however we can. It doesn't have to be big, extravagant, life changing stuff, it can be little stuff that happens to us everyday, we just have to recognize it when it happens and I think that's where most of us have a hard time: we are so caught up in all of the other crap in our lives that we don't pay attention to the little things in our life that can make us happy. Sit down, make a list, and pay attention to what makes your life worth living!
Here's my list:
1. Getting a haircut. It's such a small thing, but every time I walk out of the salon with a new haircut I feel so beautiful and confident.
2. Cuddling with my dog. I like to lie in bed and scratch her tummy while she sleeps and I watch tv- we both are happy then.
3. Finishing a good book. I love the sense of completion that comes with finishing a book that I enjoyed.
4. Starting a good book. It's beginning a new adventure, meeting new people, making new friends, it's so exciting.
5. Watching the Oscars. I love looking at the dresses and the handsome men in their tuxedos. I also secretly practice my own acceptance speech in the bathroom mirror...I'd like to thank my wonderful husband George Clooney...
6. Messages on Facebook from people I really like but never get to talk to. I love getting messages from people in my life who aren't in it nearly enough.
7. Clean sheets. I love the feeling of climbing into bed after changing the sheets. They're so cool and crisp and wonderful. It's such great sleeping.
8. Jello. I know it's silly, but a cup of jello with whip cream on top always makes me smile.
9. Seeing one of my students do something nice for another. It's really easy to only see the difficult students and forget that some of them truly are wonderful human beings. It always makes me happy to see one of them do something nice for another for no other reason than to do something nice.
10. Singing in the car. I love to sing loudly and badly in the car. It relaxes me on the way home form a stressful day at work. I don't subject anyone else to it, but it makes me smile.
This is just a small list of things that make me happy. There are so many more that it would take too long for me to write and you to read. Just take a few minutes and look around and find out what makes you happy. It's your life and you're the one who has to make it good!

eHarmony?

I am almost 30 years old. I am single. I have never had a real boyfriend. I want to change that. I want to wake up on Sunday, July 12 (my 30th birthday) in the arms of a man that I love (or at least really really like), not staring at the dog's butt (you'd be surprised at how many mornings this is the sight that greets me when I open my eyes). This morning I subscribed to eHarmony. I've tried Match.com before, with little success, and want to try something new. Their prices are usually too high, but they had a sale (and I'm a sucker for a sale) so I decided to try it. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. So far all of the men seem to be most proud of "keeping physically fit" which is admirable, but I have a sneaking suspicion that those aren't the guys that are going to find me appealing. And besides, I like a man who's a little chunky himself. Anyway, I've paid for three months. I guess if I get at least one decent date out of it it'll be worth it.
In preparation for meeting someone, I'm going to outline what I'm looking for. I'm going to try to limit it to just a few qualifications, as many of my friends (and my mother) think that my problem is that I'm too picky. (I, however, believe that I have suffered from a lack of decent choices and just because I'm fat and still single doesn't mean I have to settle for just any old loser. I would rather be alone than with someone I don't like or treats me like crap.)
1. I want a man who accepts me for who I am. Physically, I think this could be a challenge. I know that there are lots of guys who like big girls, but lets face it, there aren't as many of them. I am a big girl, but I also have a big heart to match.
2. I want a man with whom I share some interests. I'm not looking for a male version of me (Lord knows that would drive me insane) but I do want to find someone with whom I can share some things. The last guy I went on a date with didn't seem to share a single interest with me. We spent a couple hours talking "at" each other- neither seeming to really care what the other was saying since it was about something we weren't interested in. "I teach." "Oh yeah? I hated school." "I love UNC basketball." "I don't like sports." "I like to read." "I haven't read a book since my high school English teacher forced me to." What are we supposed to talk about? What will we do on a date that is more than just dinner? I need someone who shares some of my interests.
3. I want a man who is emotionally available. In the past I have been attracted to men who aren't able to or don't want to commit. This has been safe for me. I don't really have to risk anything if I know that it's not going anywhere from the very beginning. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to find a man who is actually ready and willing to start a relationship.
4. I want a man who is dependable. I want someone who calls when he says he will, who has time to spend getting to know me, who is honest and trustworthy. I've dated guys who are the exact opposite of this. I end up sitting at home wondering what I did wrong, what I could have possibly done to make them not call, blaming myself for them ignoring me. I can't do that anymore.
Well, there it is. What I'm looking for. I really belive that I have a lot to offer, and I'm hoping I can find the man who is looking for what I have. (By the way- if you have any single male friends who fit this description please send them my way!)

Things to be thankful for...

I don't want anyone to think that I hate my life or am ungrateful for all the wonderful people and things I have in it. I know what a lucky lucky girl I am and am thankful for so much, I just want to improve certain aspects of my life that have been lacking. So here goes, I'm going to list some of the things I am most thankful for in my life. This is by no means a complete list, but I do want to give a shout out to all my peeps...keep raisin' the roof, so here goes.
I am so lucky to have two of the best parents in the world. I teach children all do who don't have anyone at home to care about them, who have already, at their young ages, lost parents, who have to be the adults at home- taking care of themselves, their siblings, and even their own parents. I am so lucky to have parents that love me and still look after me, even at 29 and a half years old. When I was a teenager my parents' involvement in my life drove me crazy- my mom was president of every group I participated in- but now I know she did it because she loved me and wanted to support what I was doing. Last night my mom couldn't get hold of me (my cell phone had died and was still in the car) and she drove all the way to my house to check on me. This may sound a little crazy, but being a single girl it really means a lot to have someone who will come to check on me if they think something is wrong. (I'm a little afraid of dying, no one noticing for weeks, and Grace eating me when she runs out of food!)
I am also luck to have some of the best friends in the entire world. My BFF Curtis and I have known each other since we were 3 years old. We met at Miss Patsy's Pre-School. We have a standing Saturday night date and I love him so much. He is kind, generous, funny, smart, talented, and I'm lucky to have him as my friend. My friend Nancy and I have been friends since middle school. She is so smart and talented and fun and nurturing and forgiving and I love being with her. I miss her so much now that she lives in Asheville. Heady is wonderful and so many things that I wish I was- creative, confident, funny- and we have so much in common- she shares my love for pop culture and reading. Marcy is such a great friend and has so many qualities that I really appreciate- she's one of the smartest people I've ever met, she's funny, witty, and kind. She's a Duke fan, but I guess that's forgivable. This is not, by any means, a complete list of my friends, and there are so many more that I am so thankful for that add so much to my life.
I am also lucky enough to know that my career is the only job in the world for me. I know for a fact that teaching is what I was put here on Earth to do. I love my students and no matter how much I complain about them or how crazy they make me (and they do make me crazy) deep down in my heart I love them. I love the age- it's such a neat one. They have such great personalities (most of them) and I am constantly learning things from them. I think I am a much more patient person because of them and also more understanding. But at the same time I've become quite a staunch proponent of personal responsibility and try to instill that in them.
I also have the greatest dog in the world. If I was a dog I would be Gracie and if she was a person she would be me: we're both fat, lazy, and just want someone to snuggle up to in bed. She is my doggie soul mate- the dog of my life- and I love her so much.
My apartment is great. It's small and faces the swamp, but it's cozy and I'm nearly finished decorating it. I've been here for just over two years and am really happy.
In short, I am a very blessed girl. I am so lucky to have so many positive things in my life and make a concerted effort to thank God for them everyday. I am hoping, through living my life, I can add even more positive things to my life!

Two things...

**First, let me say to anyone who is reading, that I'm not going to post here everyday, only on days that I actually have something to write about. I think the minutia of my daily life would bore readers to tears, so I will only write about getting out and living my life...the point of this blog.

First thing...
I unexpectedly got out of my house tonight! I had been invited to a superbowl party by a couple of fellow teacher (both fabulous gals) and was planning to attend. Then my mom sprung my grandpa's 91st birthday party on me. I attended the party and didn't get back to my apartment until almost 7:00 so I couldn't go to the party. Bummer. Then my brother called me. He and some friends were at the Ale House and he wanted me to go. I made lots of excuses...I need to shower, I have to unpack my stuff (I had been to my parents' house), I'm tired, I'm broke...everything I could think of. He wouldn't let up so I said I'd go for a little while. Well, I went and I had a good time! I saw a friend from high school and got to meet the new girl Jordan's dating. It was a fun evening. I only stayed until the end of half time (and I didn't get there until 2nd quarter) but I had a really good time. Jordan even invited me to go out with them again! So far I'm doing a much better job of getting out and it feels good.

Second thing...
My second issue is something I've been dealing with for a long time...my weight. As long as I can remember I've let my weight get in my way and used it as an excuse for not doing something that I really want to do but am afraid of. Want to talk to that guy? I'm too fat, he'd never be interested. Want to join a sorority? They'd never let in a fatty like me. Want to have a good time? Fatties aren't allowed to have a good time! Even when I was at my lowest weight I still thought of myself as fat and let it get in my way. Well, those days are behind me. Will I be rejected by guys because I'm fat? Probably. Can I have fun? Absolutely. Do I deserve to be loved? Hell yes. Fat is no excuse for not living my life.
This doesn't, however, mean that I'm giving up my battle with my weight. I am going to start working out again- I'm going to attempt to get up early tomorrow morning and walk/jog. I may just hit the snooze button, but I'm definitely going to exercise tomorrow, even if it's after school. I'm going to be the best me I can be and live the life I want to live no matter what size my ass is!