Some of you, dear readers, may know that I have an anxiety disorder. I was finally diagnosed in 2003 and have been on and off medication ever since. There are times when the anxiety is much worse than others and there isn't always a clear trigger: sometimes it's just there. The feelings, worries, and physical manifestations are also different. Sometimes I'm worried about very specific things: do I have enough money to last through the month? What if something bad happens to someone I love? What if someone breaks into my apartment? Those types of worries are more manageable; I can reason my way through them. At worst, they cause a panic attack which, while not fun, is short. Sometimes, however, I have a general feeling of anxiety and everything, even the smallest detail of my everyday life turns into a huge unmanageable problem: Was that thing that Gracie just ate off of the ground a piece of gum that will kill her? What if my gas pedal gets stuck and I drive into that ravine? What if I get fired because I forgot to return that phone call? Those fears don't have to be rational (and usually aren't) and they are much harder to cope with since there is no rational reason for the fear. Unfortunately, those are the ones that seem to pile up all at the same time. Those are the ones that cause the most severe anxiety symptoms I've ever experienced, the real, scary, physical ones. I feel tired, have a headache, feel nauseous, having a racing pulse, feel short of breath, all of which cause me more anxiety: What if I'm having a stroke? or a heart attack? What if I die? These are very scary anxieties and leave me physically and mentally exhausted. Last year I ended up in the emergency room because of them. Currently, I am on no daily medication for this. I am, however, on lorazepam, an anxiolytic, which manages my anxiety on an emergency basis: I take it when things get bad so they, hopefully, won't get any worse. Things have been pretty bad this week: I've been anxious non-stop about everything and am struggling to keep it together. I have been experiencing the worst symptoms and they have just been compounding theproblem. I am writing about this, not for pity or sympathy, but in the hopes that by writing about my problems I will be able to deal with them a little better, that maybe if I get some of this out I can deal with it in a more productive, healthy way. It is my nature to keep things inside, to pretend everything is fine, especially when it's not. I will ask, however, that if you're a praying person, you keep me in your prayers while I try to muddle my way through this latest onslaught of anxiety.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Anxiety
Some of you, dear readers, may know that I have an anxiety disorder. I was finally diagnosed in 2003 and have been on and off medication ever since. There are times when the anxiety is much worse than others and there isn't always a clear trigger: sometimes it's just there. The feelings, worries, and physical manifestations are also different. Sometimes I'm worried about very specific things: do I have enough money to last through the month? What if something bad happens to someone I love? What if someone breaks into my apartment? Those types of worries are more manageable; I can reason my way through them. At worst, they cause a panic attack which, while not fun, is short. Sometimes, however, I have a general feeling of anxiety and everything, even the smallest detail of my everyday life turns into a huge unmanageable problem: Was that thing that Gracie just ate off of the ground a piece of gum that will kill her? What if my gas pedal gets stuck and I drive into that ravine? What if I get fired because I forgot to return that phone call? Those fears don't have to be rational (and usually aren't) and they are much harder to cope with since there is no rational reason for the fear. Unfortunately, those are the ones that seem to pile up all at the same time. Those are the ones that cause the most severe anxiety symptoms I've ever experienced, the real, scary, physical ones. I feel tired, have a headache, feel nauseous, having a racing pulse, feel short of breath, all of which cause me more anxiety: What if I'm having a stroke? or a heart attack? What if I die? These are very scary anxieties and leave me physically and mentally exhausted. Last year I ended up in the emergency room because of them. Currently, I am on no daily medication for this. I am, however, on lorazepam, an anxiolytic, which manages my anxiety on an emergency basis: I take it when things get bad so they, hopefully, won't get any worse. Things have been pretty bad this week: I've been anxious non-stop about everything and am struggling to keep it together. I have been experiencing the worst symptoms and they have just been compounding theproblem. I am writing about this, not for pity or sympathy, but in the hopes that by writing about my problems I will be able to deal with them a little better, that maybe if I get some of this out I can deal with it in a more productive, healthy way. It is my nature to keep things inside, to pretend everything is fine, especially when it's not. I will ask, however, that if you're a praying person, you keep me in your prayers while I try to muddle my way through this latest onslaught of anxiety.
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Aww Amy, I will keep you in my prayers. Sometimes I wonder if I have something similar, or maybe it's more of a social anxiety d/o with me. Anyway, I've tried a couple of meds in the past and the side effects were not so pleasant so I just deal with it as best I can (mostly I have found in the past year now, I have not been so social which sucks!) Anyway, enough about me. I guess I'm just trying to relate in the fact that you just wish you could be normal! hehe I do pray that things settle down for you and this will pass! I know we have never been close but you just seem like such a sweet and fun person! I love reading your facebook and blog b/c I can so relate to what you're saying! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Traci, that means a lot. I've found that I've gotten to know lots of people who I didn't really well know before through Facebook- it's been great! I hope things go well for you- I know how difficult it is. I actually have a doctor's appointment today to talk about some stuff. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI love you, Amy - you know I am always thinking about you!! :D
ReplyDeleteUpdate: I saw the doctor today (a new one that I REALLY liked- I may just have to switch- she's in the same practice, my normal one was out of town)and feel better. She prescribed a couple things for the anxiety, recommended a therapist, and told me to get out of my house and have fun at least once a week. I like the last part the best!
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