Confession

Those of you who know me probably know that I don't like conflict. I like things to be peaceful and harmonious. I like things this way so much that I am willing to be miserable myself in order to avoid confrontational situations or situations in which others are unhappy. I feel terrible if I choose a movie or restaurant that someone else doesn't like so I usually let the other person choose. I don't usually ask for much help even when it's painfully obvious that I need it because I don't want to inconvenience people. I like to make everyone happy. Well, almost everyone. I'm not so great at making me happy. This is something that I need to work on. Standing up for what I want and need and what will make me happy. There are ways to do this without making me or anyone else unhappy and I just have to look for ways to accomplish that goal. Compromise is my new favorite word.

My summer vacation

If I were to have to write an essay about my summer vacation, I'm afraid it wouldn't be very exciting to anyone other than me, and that's the way I like it. My adventures have been limited but the good times have not. Does that make me sad? No. I prefer quiet good times to loud ones. I prefer a small group of close friends to a large group of acquaintances. I prefer staying in to going out. Does that make me a boring person? I'm sure to some it does, but it's just fine with me. I've gotten to do a lot of great things this summer.
I visited my friend Nancy in Asheville. It was my first real trip to Asheville. I got to see the drum circle (oh my!) and hike (almost) all the way to the top of a mountain. I also hitchhiked for the first time and watched Cats. All in all, it was a fantastic weekend!
I've read lots of books. I didn't enjoy them all, but I do always enjoy the act of reading. I know everyone else really enjoyed Wicked but I just couldn't get into it. I love to read and love that summer vacation gives me time to do that.
I've watched lots of crappy tv (my favorite kind) and lots of movies I've never seen before. I became addicted to The Real Housewives of New Jersey and am very sad that The Fashion Show ended last night (although Project Runway starts in just a few weeks!). I've also been making my way through classic movies according to Steve. So far I've seen Bull Durham, Caddyshack and Fletch.
I've spent quite a bit of time lounging and sunning myself at the pool. I am working on a decent tan and it's coming along nicely so far. I even played Marco Polo with a 5 year old.
I've had breakfasts, lunches, and dinners with my friends. I love getting to spend time with them. During the school year we are all so busy and it's nice to get to see them and share a good meal.
I'm sure to a lot of people, this sounds like a horrendous waste of time. I have however, recharged my batteries and spent a lot of time doing things that I like to do. Once the school year starts I won't have nearly as much time to do all of these things so it's nice to take a few weeks and do them now.

30 Reasons I'm Happy to be Turning 30...

So 30 is now only 9 days away and I'm handling this transition really well. As I mentioned before, I think it's because I'm so happy with my life right now. So I've decided to list 30 reasons I'm happy to be turning 30. I'm not going to finish the list today. I'll be 30 for 365 days. Surely over the course of the year there will be more reasons to be happy about being 30. And, let's face it, 30 is a lot of reasons. I'll revisit this list as my 30th year progresses. Today I'll start with 3.
1. I know who I am. In the past I've tried to be other people. The person some guy wanted me to be. The girl that my best friend was. Now, I'm just me. And I'm comfortable with that. There are things that I really like about me and those would disappear if I tried to be someone else. It's taken me 30 years to figure this out.
2. I know that my happiness comes from me, not things outside of me. Yesterday I had lunch with Steve and he ordered hash brown casserole, which he proceeded to cover in ketchup. I said "It already has cheese in it!" He told me that the ketchup was just a continuation of the goodness started with the cheese. That's how I think happiness should work. I'm the hash brown casserole. I already have good stuff going on. The outside stuff is the ketchup. The casserole is good without it, but it's a continuation of the goodness.
3. I've learned to accept my body. Is my body perfect? Far from it. I know that I need to lose weight. I know that I can do it, I've done it before. Am I going to waste time hating myself because of it? No. Life it too short for that. I can try to improve myself without self-loathing. There are things that I like about myself. I like my eyes. I like my smile. I've learned to appreciate what I have without being complacent.
So here are the first 3. Stay tuned, there are 27 more to come!
August 24, 2009: Reason #4
4. I have overcome the need to have any sort of drama in my life. As a high school teacher I know that young girls (and some boys) live for drama. And so do some of their mamas. I am at a place in my life where I believe that the less drama I have in my life the better. I talk to adults all the time who are always in the midst of a crisis. Well, I don't want that in my life at all. I like it when life is simple. I don't like chaos and fuss and disorder. (Why do I teach high school?) I went to a friend for advice about a difficult decision and he told me not to pray for an answer but for peace and it turned out to be great advice. I now ask God for peace in whatever situation I am faced with and it has made the biggest change in my attitude and mindset. Is it God answering my prayer? I think so, but I also think it's me reminding myself that I don't have control over everything so I have to find peace with it. It's me and God working together to figure stuff out. So, in short, if you want to talk about drama go talk to someone else!

Up....

Last weekend I went to visit Nancy and we saw the movie "Up." This movie really spoke to me. As most of you know, I will be turning 30 in just 10 short days. I'm handling this upcoming milestone much better than I thought I would. There's been no crying, wailing, or gnashing of teeth. I'm not dressing all in black. I haven't retreated from the world and holed myself up in my apartment, eating Ben & Jerry's and never getting out of my pajamas. I'm okay with turning 30. I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm so happy right now. My life isn't what I thought it would be at this point, but it's pretty damn good. "Up" really made me realize that my life may not be the adventure that I had planned, but it's still an adventure and I'd better get with the program and enjoy it.
When I was 18 (was that really so long ago?), I filled out one of those senior memory books that asks you where you want to be in 10 years. I had a plan. I was a girl who knew what she wanted. I would meet the love of my life during college, marry him shortly after graduating, immediately begin having kids, and live somewhere (anywhere) other than Franklin County.
That's not what has happened. I didn't meet Mr. Right in college. I didn't even date all that much. I did, however, make some life-long friends, travel, do lots of fun stuff, and even managed to learn a few things, too. I loved college and had a great time and I wouldn't change anything about it.
I didn't get married right after college, or even yet. I've dated some great guys (and some not so great ones) and I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I have to be myself: that changing to fit what you think someone else wants just doesn't work. I learned that I am more independent and self-reliant than I thought I could be. I still want to get married, but I'm glad that I didn't do it when I was younger. I would have been a terrible wife. I think my chances of having a successful marriage are greater now than they would have been eight years ago.
I don't have kids. That is such a good thing. There are days when it's all I can do to take care of myself and my dog. When I was younger I wanted lots of kids. I also went through a phase when I didn't want any kids. Now I want to have one child (maybe two, but probably just one). I was much too selfish to have kids before this point in my life.
While I don't live in Franklin County, I do work there. I wanted to get out of Franklin County. I thought that was the one thing in my life that I could accomplish, but here I am, making the drive to Louisburg every day. I love teaching at Louisburg High School. My students are challenging but I love them and I think they need me. I love my job and wouldn't change it for anything. I want to make a career there.
Now 30 is here and I've been thinking about how things have turned out. I have friends that are amazing and that I've known since childhood. I have friends that are new that I love so much. I have an amazing job that I know I was meant for. I have a family that is wonderful and loves me. I have an apartment that I've finally finished decorating. I have a dog that is the cutest and sweetest dog in the whole world. I am dating a wonderful man that makes me very happy.
My life isn't what I'd hoped it'd be when I was 18 years old. It's so much better.