The Shelf of Constant Reproach

I read a story on the NPR website this week that talked about the best books that you'll never read: you know, those books that we own copies of, know we should read, maybe pretend we have read, but just never read. Here's my shelf of constant reproach.
1. Heart of Darkness I've tried and tried to read this. I just can't do it. Last time I got three pages in before I had to put it down.
2. Catcher in the Rye I've tried to read this book over and over again. I always get to the exact same spot when I have to put it down, I just cannot read one more word. I just don't understand.
3. Catch-22 I've heard it's wonderful. Several of my friends have read it and loved it. It's supposed to be funny. Maybe I'm just not smart enough to get it. I've tried it a couple of times but I just can't get into it.
4. Anything by Hemingway. I've read many of his short stories and tried to read several of his novels. I just can't read it. I can appreciate the fact that his writing is innovative, but I just don't enjoy it. I confess, I am an English major/teacher who has never gotten through an entire Hemingway novel. (BTW, I have a theory that you can like either Faulkner or Hemingway. I'm a Faulkner girl. So far, I haven't found anyone who enjoys both. If you do, please let me know. I'd be interested to find out how the heck you can enjoy both.)
5. The Satanic Verses I want to read this book. I want to find out what is so controversial and outrageous that Ayatollah Khomeini decided to put out a fatwa on Rushdie. Surely a book that is so divisive has something important to say, right? I can't get past the first few pages.
I'm not giving up on these books. I will, on occasion, pick them up and try them again, as I have many times in the past. There certainly have been books in my life that I just didn't pick up at the right time. I avoided Tess of the d'Urbervilles for years before finally reading it and absolutely loving it. The same thing happened with The Poisonwood Bible. I'm a firm believer in giving a book a second chance. Or third, or fourth. However many chances they need.
(Sorry for the unfinished post before, I had to leave to go to the salon to get my hair cut. Yeah for new haircuts!)