Amy Lives Her Life

Shower Photos

2011-03-16T14:25:00.001-07:00

Steve and I are lucky to have wonderful people in our lives who have hosted showers for us. I thought I'd share a few of the pictures with you.

Shower #1: in Binghamton, New York over Christmas

Steve is already ready to kill me...This can't bode well.

Shower #2: Thrown by my aunts in Zebulon, NC

Me and my mom

Me with my mom and future mother-in-law

Me and my bride's maid, Heady

Shower #3: Given by my fabulous English peeps

(Anyone notice a theme here? In Binghamton I'm wearing a zebra print cardigan, in Zebulon a zebra print dress, and at the school shower zebra print sunglasses. I promise there are items in my wardrobe that do not have zebra print on them.)

Where I'm From

2011-03-14T17:50:00.000-07:00

While I was at NCCAT last year we did an activity in which we described where we were from in poem form. The idea came from a poem by George Ella Lyon. I thought I'd share where I'm from with you.

I am from buttons and the bag
of scraps and scissors that
cut in a jagged line and "you be
still while my stories are on."
I am from rolling pins and flour:
chicken pastry and apple jacks
that I got to make myself.
I am from the brier patch and Cabbage
Patch kids. From pink bows and
pink flowers by the pump house.
I am from falling asleep in the
swing waiting for mama and daddy.

I am from Sunday School, Bible School,
and Grandma's every Sunday. I am
from go play in the yard and
stay out of the field and
the rocks that hurt my feet. I am
from Ollie and Joe and scuppernongs
that might be ripe. I am from
Miss Patsy's and Miss Debbie's and a
gold star on my forehead if I
remember the magic word.

I am from Jem and the Rockers and
hot rollers. I am from a new red book
bag and bus steps that were too
big for my little legs that would
take me places I'd never been, but
would always bring me right back
where I belong.

I love haiku!

2011-01-03T17:49:00.000-08:00

While going through some papers I found these haiku. I hope you enjoy them.

Oh learning cottage!
A mobile education.
Knowledge on four wheels.

(My first year teaching at my current school I taught 25 freshmen in a single-wide trailer built in 1972.)

Oh, brown podium,
how much longer will you last?
Is today the day?

What fall tastes like...

2010-11-17T14:38:00.000-08:00

My friend Nancy makes these wonderful pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and I decided that I'd give it a whirl. The recipe is from a blog called Joy the Baker. I thought I'd give it a try, and share my adventures in baking with you, my faithful and gentle reader. (BTW...I just tasted one from the first batch and they're delish!)

They look yummy already!

(This is only the second time I've ever used my mixer, and I've had it almost a year!)

Mmmm...looking more and more yummy by the minute!

Wow, those are big cookies!

The worst part of baking..

THE BEST PART!

Moving...

2010-11-15T14:31:00.000-08:00

The time has finally come. It's time to pack up my tiny apartment and move. My lease is up at the end of December and I'm getting married in April so I can't stay here. For three and a half months I will be living in my childhood bedroom. This should be an interesting experience. I love my family very much, but they are a little different from me. I like to come home most afternoons and just sit in silence for a little while. (I teach in a high school. I hear this cacophony of noise all day long.) It's not so quiet at my parents' house. There's also the fact of living in just one room. Most of my stuff will be taken to Steve's house (where we'll be living after the wedding) now, but it will be quite an adjustment to live in just one room. I can't believe the wedding is only 5 months and one day away, and starting to pack up my stuff makes it seem that much more real and so much closer.

I love my apartment and I'm a little sad about selling some of my stuff or getting rid of some of it, but I just have to. Steve and I have a lot of stuff between us. Since I'm moving out, I thought I'd take this chance to share my little apartment. It's been a good place to live. (BTW, if anyone wants to buy or knows someone who needs a couch and love seat let me know!)

An open letter to Maura Kelly

2010-11-03T15:38:00.001-07:00

This blog was recently published on the Marie Claire website and this is my response.

Dear Maura,
I am deeply offended by your blog. I find it to be ignorant, discriminatory, and narrow-minded. Being a big girl, I am used to stares, whispers, and jokes. I can even laugh at a genuinely clever fat joke, and occasionally make some myself. What you did in your article is not funny. It is mean spirited and hurtful. You claim that you have suffered from an eating disorder so you should know, better than anyone, that sometimes it is difficult to control your eating habits. Is the answer to lose weight to exercise more and eat less? Of course. But if it were truly just that simple there wouldn't be a single fat person in the world. Who would choose to be pointed at by children, have to wear ugly ill fitting clothes, wonder if the chair will support them (or even if their ass will fit in it?), or have to read hurtful blogs like yours? Am I making excuses for being fat? I am not. I just want you to realize that eating too much and exercising too little aren't the only factors at work here. There's also genetics, chemicals in your brain, coping mechanisms, learned behaviors, and there is even some research that links obesity to OCD. I understand that I'm fat and I take responsibility for that, but eating and exercising aren't my only problems.
Finally, fat people deserve to find love in their lives. I waited a long time to find it and I found it with a man who is also overweight. I love him for who he is, ALL of him and he feels the same way about me. I love the show Mike and Molly. I think it is a sweet show. I am always happy when anyone finds love in this world. There's not nearly enough of it, so why trash it when you see it? (BTW, I understand these are fictional characters. I'm speaking on behalf of all of us in big relationships). Celebrate love, no matter what it looks like, even if it's two fatties.
A.

TheKnot

2010-10-21T19:28:00.000-07:00

TheKnot

Blast from the Past...

2010-10-03T18:10:00.000-07:00

While looking back through my blog I came across the following post:
"I am almost 30 years old. I am single. I have never had a real boyfriend. I want to change that. I want to wake up on Sunday, July 12 (my 30th birthday) in the arms of a man that I love (or at least really really like), not staring at the dog's butt (you'd be surprised at how many mornings this is the sight that greets me when I open my eyes). This morning I subscribed to eHarmony. I've tried Match.com before, with little success, and want to try something new. Their prices are usually too high, but they had a sale (and I'm a sucker for a sale) so I decided to try it. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. So far all of the men seem to be most proud of "keeping physically fit" which is admirable, but I have a sneaking suspicion that those aren't the guys that are going to find me appealing. And besides, I like a man who's a little chunky himself. Anyway, I've paid for three months. I guess if I get at least one decent date out of it it'll be worth it. "
I posted this on February 21, 2009. Looking back, I can't believe how things have changed since then. Subscribing to eHarmony that day changed my life. If I hadn't I never would have met Steve. I wouldn 't be about to marry the most amazing man on the planet and my best friend. My favorite line is the last one. I can honestly say that that was the best $70 I ever spent.

Lonesome Dove

2010-10-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Lonesome Dove,
You are one of the best books I've ever read in my life. I love (and hate) your characters and your plots. Reading you makes me happy. Please don't ever end.

What makes you authentically you?

2010-09-27T17:40:00.001-07:00

Last week my college roomated posted this question on her blog: What makes you authentically you? What makes you who you are? Different from everyone else? Well, here's a run-down of some of the things that make me authentically me.
1. I hate waking up early. If I had my choice I'd stay up late and sleep late.
2. I like the story. I want to know why and how about everything. And if you tell me about a person I'm going to make you describe him/her to me so that I can get a mental image.
3. As previously mentioned, I am lazy about the little things. Just today I didn't make file folders for vocab tests because I just didn't want to.
4. I've become more domestic since dating Steve and I like it. I cook, clean, do yard work, and I've never been happier. Even when I'm picking up pine cones.
5. I worry that people think I'm not smart.
6. I can never watch the following movies enough: Love Actually, Steel Magnolias, Sense and Sensibility.
7. I look at my engagement ring a million times a day. I really belived that I'd be single forever and I'm still amazed that I'm actually getting married.
8. I am a strict follower of expiration dates.
9. I like to be surrounded by pictures of the people I love.
10. I like to sing to my dog. I make up songs and put her name into other songs. "I love Grace, from her tail up to her face..."
11. I wish I was sillier (sometimes, not all the time).
12. Venice is my favorite place on Earth and think that I could live there even though it's so far away from my family.
13. I am a slow reader. I'm very thorough and can't skim anything: I have to read every single word. I used to be embarassed by that fact but now I think it helps me relate to my students.
14. I don't hate football. In fact, I have a fantasy team.
15. I have a hard time making decisions. I usually know what I want, I just have a hard time committing to it.
Keep this topic going. What makes you authentically you?

Random acts of blogging...

2010-09-16T10:07:00.001-07:00

I briefly abandoned my blogging endeavor only to now be addicted to posting things that people may or may not read. So today I'm going to share some random information. Just random little facts that I feel compelled to share with the world.

1. I am a terrible speller. I have no idea whether compelled has one l or two. Usually I check this type of thing. And people always say to me: "but you're an English teacher! Shouldn't you be able to spell?" No, I shouldn't. I know lots of big words, I just don't know how to spell them.
2. I'm lazy about the little things. Laundry? Sure I'll do it. Vacuum? Okay.(BTW, who the hell knew that vacuum had two 'u's? It certainly wasn't me!) Put the Netflix movie in the mailbox? Check the correct spelling of compelled? No way. That's too much work.
3. I think my job would be absolutely perfect if school started at 9:45 instead of 7:45. Would it be too much to ask for a girl to get to sleep until 7:00 instead of waking up at 5:00?
4. That is all.

Going to the chapel...

2010-09-14T14:32:00.001-07:00

As many of you know, gentle readers, I am getting married! So far the planning hasn't been too bad. Here's my checklist:
1. Find a church DONE!
2. Find a minister DONE!
3. Find a reception hall DONE!
4. Buy a dress DONE!
5. Find a caterer DONE!
6. Find a baker DONE!
8. Find a florist DONE!
9. Pick out invitations DONE!

There's lots more to do, but as you can see, I'm well on my way!

Off to a great start

2010-09-14T14:04:00.001-07:00

This year is off to a great start so far. I have great classes and wonderful students. I really feel like I'm accomplishing something. I don't remember the last time I've been this happy professionally. Last year I really struggled. Part of it was my attitude and part of it was challenges I faced at work. Over the summer I had a come to Jesus meeting with myself and realized that I had to change: I can't control the challenges I face, but I can control my reaction to and attitudes towards them. I made up my mind that this year would be better. And it is! Let's hope this continues!

Venito: Bellissimo!

2010-08-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

The last stop on our Italian vacation was Venice. Beautiful Venice. We turned in the rental car at Marco Polo Airport (thank goodness!) and hopped on a water bus that took us to the island that is Venice. Venice is an island (actually 117 of them connected by bridges) that has absolutely no cars. What a welcome change! We walked most everywhere we went while there. The only other option is to take some type of boat. On our first night there we found that the map given to us by the hotel was nearly completely useless: the millions of little side streets and alleys that makes up Venice are not on the map. This took some getting used to for Steve. I, however, liked just wandering down streets, finding unexpected things around each corner, hoping you were walking in the right direction. On our first night there we ate in an enchanting restaurant that had a back patio with a ceiling of vines with lanterns hanging from them. It was very romantic. (The food was also very good: tagliatelle with crab sauce...yum). We visited the Doge's palace, St. Marks Square and Basilica, and the Ponte di Rialto. All of these places were packed with tourists but as soon as you were away from these sights Venice was much less crowded and you could really take in the city.
The highlight of our time in Venice was the gondola ride. What is more romantic than a gondola ride? Our gondolier began the ride by pointing out some of the sights we passed and soon the gondolier in front of us began to sing. About halfway through the ride Steve proposed. (He did a very good job!) After the gondola ride we went for gelato (our favorite dessert!) and then walked back to the hotel. The perfect end to the perfect vacation!
There's not much left to tell of our Italian vacation. The next day we took a train back to Rome (on this trip we used every type of transportation imaginable: plane, car, bus, subway, boat, gondola, train) which was nice- we got to see lots of the countryside. We spent the night at a hotel close to the airport to make our early flight (turns out they would have held the plane if we'd been late- they held it for other people!) and headed back to reality (almost, we still got to fly home in first class). Our Italian vacation was amazing. Italy is more amazing and beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Oh, and while we were in Rome we both threw a coin backwards with our right hand over our left shoulder in Trevi Fountain, just to make sure that we go back one day!

Pisa

2010-08-10T14:49:00.000-07:00

Ah, Pisa. Pisa was the second stop on our Italian vacation. In order to get there we rented a car and drove from Rome. This, I believed, was going to be the true test of our relationship. I'm not a fantastic navigator and driving in Italy is difficult under the best circumstances. I believed that if we could make it through driving in Italy we could make it through anything. Once we got out of Rome the Autostrada (Interstate) wasn't so bad. Once we got to Pisa our directions didn't work quite so well, though. We got lost and wound up having to go to the airport and hire a taxi to take us to the hotel. Once we were there we learned that the hotel had everything that it had promised...just down the street. "You need to park your car? You can do that just down the street." "You want to use the internet? Well, ours is down but you can use it at our sister hotel...just down the street." "You want to exchange money? You can do that at the bank...just down the street!" All other things considered, the hotel was nice and very cute. Unlike Rome, all of the sites in Pisa are conveniently located in one location. With one stop you can see the Leaning Tower, the Duomo, and the Baptistery. They are all very beautiful and the tower leans more than I imagined. While in Pisa I had the best food that I'd ever eaten. We had dinner at Osteria dei Cavalieri and it was amazing, even though when I first looked at the menu nothing excited me. For an appetizer we had the prosciutto and fried dough (if you've never eaten prosciutto you absolutely must. It's delicious.) For my main course I ordered homemade tagliatelline with duck, carrots, and juniper berries. I was hesitant to order the duck because I'd never had it before and let's face it, they're quite cute. Steve convinced me to take a chance and I did and I'm so glad. I've never tasted something so delicious in my life. For desert I had crunchy egg ice cream with almonds (I know, sounds kind of gross- crunchy egg ice cream?) and it was heavenly. That meal was the highlight of my time in Pisa. Pisa was a nice change from Rome, much slower and quieter. We enjoyed our time in Pisa (and definitely the food) but our favorite was Venice, which I will chronicle next time, dear reader.

ROME!

2010-08-09T15:36:00.001-07:00

Our first stop on our Italian vacation was in the Eternal City: Rome. Rome is amazing and I loved being there (even though it was in the middle of a heat wave and felt like we were on the surface of the sun the whole time). There are so many amazing things to see in Rome. My favorites were Trevi Fountain and the Pantheon. One of my favorite things about Rome is its contradictions. One minute you're admiring ruins that are thousands of years old and were once the center of nearly the entire known world and the next you're nearly run over by a taxi. (Crossing the street in Rome is like a high-stakes game of dodgeball and driving is an extreme sport. Doing either entails risk to life and limb and is not for the faint of heart.) We spent 3 days in Rome and both agree that if you ever find yourself in Italy Rome is definitely somewhere that you must visit.
(A side note: The picture above is one Steve took of me at lunch one day. Behind me is Piazza Navona, one of the most beautiful in the city. It was certainly a wonderful setting for lunch. Just a week later we were back in Clayton and had lunch at Wendy's where I had a wonderful view of a gas station. Oh how things change!)

Who'd have guessed?

2010-08-04T11:44:00.000-07:00

In January 2009 when I started this blog, the goal of it was to write about getting off my butt, out of my house, and meeting new people. Who knew then how much things would change? I just returned from Italy (an AMAZING trip about which I will post soon!) where Steve asked me to marry him. 20 months ago when I started this blog if someone had told me that I'd be here now I would never have believed them. I would have laughed at them and asked them how much they'd had to drink. But here I am: blissfully happy, in love with and engaged to the most amazing man in the world. Isn't it amazing how quickly life can change, and just when you least expect it? (BTW, the picture was taken on the gondola just a few minutes after he proposed. He did a good job!)

ITALY!

2010-07-12T06:45:00.001-07:00

Many of you know that I'm off to Italy next week. I could not possibly be more excited.

Too fabulous for words!

2010-07-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

I saw this clutch on the Kate Spade website and fell completely in love with it. It's too expensive to own but too cute not to share with the world. I wonder if Daisy Buchannan would own one if she was a real girl.

LOVE IT!

2010-07-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

I saw this today while I was browsing the web and fell completely in love with it. Kate Spade, you're a genius!

31?

2010-07-07T11:32:00.000-07:00

Can it be? Will I really be 31 in just 4 days? It seems impossible that 30 has just flown by. You may remember that I handled 30 pretty well. No crying or moping involved. Well, turning 31 isn't going quite so well. There's been a little crying and some moping. 31 just doesn't seem as cool as 30. 30 and I'm still young and fun and not old. 31 and I'm now actually in my 30s. In an attempt to bring myself out of this funk I've decided to make a list of 31 things that make me happy. Hopefully this will cheer me up and help me focus on all the good stuff that I have instead of the stuff I don't.
1. The world's best boyfriend. I couldn't have ever hoped to find someone so amazing.
2. A wonderful family with whom I am close.
3. Great friends, most of whom are teachers, that help me avoid insanity during the summer months.
4. Summer vacation. Enough said.
5. My wonderful dog, Gracie, and Steve's wonderful dog, Boomer.
6. A trip to Italy. (Just 11 more days!)
7. A job I love.
8. Books.
9. Homemade ice cream (is it just a Southern thing?)
10. Nachitos, chicken only, no quacamole.
11. A glass of wine.
12. Long baths.
13. Crappy summer television.
14. Air conditioning.
15. Cotton dresses.
16. A new haircut.
17. Snazzy sunglasses.
18. Sunday mornings.
19. Phone calls from someone special.
20. Catalogs in the mail.
21. Email coupons.
22. Uno.
23. NPR.
24. Naps.
25. Sweet tea.
26. BBQ sandwiches.
27. Sleeping in.
28. New school supplies.
29. Swimming in the pool.
30. Crocheting.
31. Turning 31. (In the wise words of my dad "It's better than the alternative!)

Literary characters I love...

2010-06-29T15:29:00.000-07:00

Today on the NPR website I saw the article "Fictional Beings Bella Swan Should Fall Madly In Love With." This inspired me to make a list of fictional beings that I am completely, madly, utterly in love with. I don't love all of the characters on this list in the same way. Some, like Rhett Butler and Atticus Finch, I want to marry. Others I just want to protect. I think the mark of a good book/movie/TV show is caring about the characters and what happens to them. Here are some of the characters that I absolutely adore.
1. Rhett Butler: I have had a crazy mad crush on Rhett Bulter ever since the first time I saw Gone With the Wind when I was a child. Not only is Clark Gable possibly the sexiest man to ever live, but the character is also so wonderful. There is no way in the world that Scarlett deserves him but he loves her unconditionally anyway. I love Rhett in the movie and I love him even more in the book. In addition, he has one of the greatest lines in movie history: "You need to be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how." Yes, please.
2. Atticus Finch: Atticus Finch is a close second behind Rhett Butler. I'm not sure many people would agree with me, but I believe that Atticus and Rhett are similar in many ways. It's true that on the outside Rhett is a scoundrel, but when it comes right down to it he is a good man who does what is right. That's what I love most about Atticus Finch. He is kind and loving and wise and always does the right thing. I've often said that I hope one day to marry a cross between Rhett Butler and Atticus Finch. (If you haven't read To Kill a Mockingbird shame on you. Stop reading this blog and go buy a copy as fast as you can and read it immediately.)
3. Edward Rochester: He's grouchy and set in his ways and hid his crazy first attic (I hope I didn't ruin it for anyone who hasn't read Jane Eyre.) but I love him anyway. He is a good man who is afraid to let others get close to him but once he does he loves them wholly.
4. Jay Gatsby: The Great Gatsby gets better every time I read it and I fall more in love with Jay Gatsby every time I do, too. He is blinded by love and makes terrible choices but he is persistent and willing to do anything for Daisy, even though she doesn't deserve him. (Do I see a pattern here?) He's one of my favorites, old sport.
5. Mr. Darcy: Who doesn't love him? He is madly in love with Elizabeth Bennet but can't show it. She loves him too and doesn't know it. (When did I slip into verse?) Like Edward Rochester, he's grumpy and difficult to get along with, but I love him. (Another pattern?)
All of these characters are wonderful and the books they are in are truly amazing reads. While I did enjoy reading the Twilight series and am on Team Edward, those books and that character can never live up to these truly great literary men. Now tell me, which fictional characters are you in love with?

Sweet Baby Gracie

2010-06-22T11:19:00.000-07:00

It has just occurred to me that I haven't posted any pictures of my sweet baby, Gracie. She is a 9 year old black lab mix and for now she is my child.

.

Songs for Summer

2010-06-22T09:50:00.001-07:00

It seems that now that I've started writing again I just can't stop! I was driving in my car today thinking about the songs that just scream SUMMER IS HERE! Here's a list of my songs of summer.
1. California Gurls- Katy Perry: I wasn't sure if I like this song at first, but after hearing a couple times it has grown on me. I just downloaded it from iTunes and find myself listening and singing along.
2. Summertime- Will Smith: As a child of the 80's and 90's, I don't think there is a song that reminds me more of summer than this one. It's a little cheesy but boy do I love it!
3. Soak Up the Sun- Sheryl Crow: I don't know if this song actually came out during the summer (one would assume that it did), but it makes me happy during the summer. Soaking up the sun is one of my favorite summer pastimes.
4. Waterfalls- TLC: Who from my generation doesn't remember riding around in their first car on a summer night, hearing this song come on the radio and turning it way up and singing along?
5. Under the Bridge- Red Hot Chili Peppers: I remember turning 13 the summer this song came out and listening to it in the car with my parents. My friends and I liked to sing along. My poor parents were horrified, both by the song and by the singing.
6. Kiss From a Rose- Seal: Who doesn't love this song? And Val Kilmer's lips under that Batman mask?
7. School's Out- Alice Cooper: As a teacher, I have to admit that this is one of my favorites.
8. Summer Lovin'- Olivia Newton John & John Travolta: I love musicals and I love this song!
9. Kokomo- The Beach Boys: Again, I don't know if this song came out during the summer, but who doesn't want to make their way through the destinations of this song: Aruba, Jamaica, Bermuda, Bahamas, Key Largo, Montiego, Kokomo...Sounds good to me!
10. Margaritaville- Jimmy Buffet: Let's go!
Which songs always remind you of summer?

Kudos from a friend & feelings of guilt...

2010-06-22T07:03:00.000-07:00

So I posted a hello a couple weeks ago and promised to write more, but have not done it yet. So imagine the guilt (and happiness) I felt when I read my friend Nancy's blog and found that she had awarded me the Versatile Blogger award. I appreciate the recognition and am glad that someone is reading. I feel bad about not blogging more, though. Now that the summer is here I plan to blog more. I don't have too much else to do (except for an AMAZING trip that I'll blog more about later) so I have plenty of time to get some blogging done. Now, the rules of this award, as I understand them, are that I have to tell seven things about myself and then pass the award along to bloggers that I enjoy. So here are my seven things:
1. When I find something I like I stick with it. Movies, food, restaurants, songs on the radio...I stick with them until I've had/heard/been to them so much that I can't stand them any more. Then I have to stop it for a while. But when I go back to whatever it was that I'd overdone it's like visiting an old friend. The only exception to this so far is Mexican food. I could eat it every day to the week and never get tired of it.
2. I have never had a full time regular job during the summer. I went from public school, to college, began teaching, stopped briefly but was unemployed for the two summer months, and then returned to teaching. Of course there were summers where I held down part-time jobs, but I have no idea what it's like to work a full-time regular 12 month job.
3. I am about to go to Europe for the first time and I am so excited I can barely stand it. In less than a month Steve and I are setting out for 9 days in Italy. I've never left North America before, and the only time I've left the US was when I went to Mexico on a cruise. I can't wait!
4. I don't have just one favorite book. There are so many that I have read that I absolutely love that I can't possibly narrow it down to just one favorite. I have been able to narrow it down to a top five. They are: To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner, Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy, Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck, and One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. If you need some summer reading any of these are wonderful choices!
5. During the summer I watch more crap TV than anyone should ever be allowed to. I am absolutely addicted to The Real Housewives of New Jersey and last week I discovered You're Cut Off. I can't explain why these shows appeal to me, but they do, and only during the summer months.
6. I long to be a person who does crafty and domestic things but I am terrible at them. My mom quilts and crochets and sews and my friend Nancy (see her great and crafty blog at voulezvouscrochetavecmoi.blogspot.com) is one of the most talented and craftiest people I know and I want to do those things but I am terrible at them. I'm also not a great cook. The food is always edible but I don't ever think it's as good as other people's food. I plan to keep trying and hopefully get better at these things.
7. Conflict makes me physically uncomfortable, and I don't even have to be in it to be uncomfortable, sometimes just watching it on tv makes me feel anxious.
So there are my seven things. It took me a while to come up with seven things that I thought someone else may find interesting. (Probably why it's taken me so long to blog anything!).
Now it's time to pass the mantle on to blogs that I enjoy. So here they are:
Courtney @ Life These Days
Tiffany (Crafty Fanny) @ Live Happy
Traci @ Pictures and Posts of Life and Art
Thanks for the great blogs ladies! I enjoy reading them all!

Hi!

2010-06-08T19:06:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I've been gone for quite a while. Has it really been 5 months since I've written anything? I don't have time to post all that is going on right now but I will be posting more soon.

Soup!

2010-01-04T14:49:00.000-08:00

It's soooo cold here right now! What is better on a cold winter day than a big bowl of soup? Nothing! I'm making one right now and am soooo ready to eat it. Here's my recipe (it's adapted from my mom's recipe). It's so easy!

2 large cans of stewed/diced tomatoes
2 med cans of Vegeall
1 lb hamburger
1 c. elbow noodles
Sugar to taste

Bring cans of tomatoes to a boil. Add Vegeall and return to a boil. While this is going on brown your hamburger. Once the tomatoes and veggies are boiling add the hamburger and cook for about thirty minutes. Last, add noodles. Continue to boil soup until noodles are done. Add water as needed and to taste (more if you like thin soup, less if you like it thick). I like to eat mine with saltine crackers.

I'm trying it tonight in the crock-pot for the first time. I started the tomatoes and veggies first, then added the hamburger once I'd browned it, and added the noodles when I added the hamburger. I'll let you know how it turns out.

2009-12-31T06:42:00.000-08:00

I saw this picture on Flickr and absolutely fell in love with it. What a beautiful statue.

Time to get moving...

2009-12-30T08:08:00.000-08:00

I know that I claim to work on losing some (a lot of) weight every year about this time. This time that isn't going to be my focus. I am going to start running again. If I lose weight, that's great. If I don't, at least I'll be doing something that I enjoy. I really liked running when I was doing it, and in my brain I always wanted to be one of those girls who said "I'm going for a run." I'm going to start slowly and try to commit to a schedule. If I look at this as something I enjoy that's really fun instead of something that I have to do I think I'll be more successful than I've been in the past. Here's to a new year and returning to something that I enjoyed doing!

Sausage Balls

2009-12-25T14:55:00.001-08:00

One of my very favorite holiday treats is sausage balls. Here is the recipe. I hope you all enjoy them as much as I do!

1 12 oz package of sausage (any intensity)
1 12 oz package of shredded cheese (this year we found out that finely shredded does not work quite as well)
3 cups of Bisquick

Let cheese and sausage warm to room temperature (the sausage is easier to work with that way). Mix cheese and sausage well. Slowly add Bisquick. When all ingredients are thoroughly mixed roll small amounts of mixture into balls. Bake balls at 400 for about 7 minutes.
And voila! Yummy sausage balls for everyone to enjoy!

Christmas 2009

2009-12-25T14:12:00.000-08:00

Christmas 2009 has been one of the best of my life. I've been able to spend time with my family, continued traditions started with friends and family, and overall been very happy. I'm hoping to spend some more time with friends next week and return to school refreshed. It could have only been better if I'd been able to spend it with Steve. Here are a few of the photos from my wonderful holiday. I hope everyone has a happy Christmas!

My Christmas List

2009-12-09T13:34:00.000-08:00

So Christmas is almost here and children everywhere are mailing their wish lists off to Santa. I've decided to write one of my own. Here's what I want for Christmas.
1. Peace and quiet in my classroom. I love teaching and I like my students and they're not bad kids. I just wish they would be quiet. I really believe that they don't know what to do with silence. They are constantly making noise. If they aren't talking, they're rustling paper, clicking pens, tapping their feet...the noise just never ends. I'd like just a few minutes a day of absolute silence in my classroom.
2. SYTYCD to never end. I am so in love with this show. It makes me smile. I am always so sad when the season is over. Please don't go away, So You Think You Can Dance!
3. The laundry fairy to come and do my laundry. My least favorite chore in the world is washing clothes. I know it's not labor intensive, I just hate it. I wish it would just wash itself. A girl can dream, right?
4. UNC to win the national chapionship. I LOVE Carolina basketball. I always want the Heels to win.
Please Santa, I've been a good girl. Please bring me these things for Christmas!

For what am I thankful?

2009-11-29T17:39:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to post a list of things for which I am thankful for a while now, but I've been pretty busy. This year, more than any other, I truly realize how much I have to be thankful for. So here's my list, but by no means does this cover it all.

1. Family. I have a wonderful family that I love so much. My mom and dad are so supportive and my brother helps me whenever I need it. I realize how lucky I am to have such a great relationship with them. I am also lucky to have an extended family with which I am close and get to see often.

2. My boyfriend. I don't post a lot about him here, but I am such a lucky girl to have found such a wonderful man. I am thankful for him and all that he brings to my life.

3. Dog. Gracie is easily the cutest dog in the whole world. She is sweet and cuddly and is great to come home to and cuddle with after a long day at school.

4. My job. Even though it sometimes makes me absolutely crazy I love my job. I feel that teaching is my purpose in life. How many people can say that they get to do what they feel they were meant do to?

5. Those are the biggies. Here's a list of some other things that brighten up my life: Sunday mornings, internet friends, UNC basketball, quiet classrooms, workdays, chapstick, fuzzy socks, books, sappy love songs, the list goes on and on.

What are you thankful for this year?

Cake Decorating

2009-11-21T07:44:00.000-08:00

My mom and I took a cake decorating class. These are some of our creations.

Howdy Stranger

2009-11-03T16:52:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in a while so I thought I'd give you the highlights of what has been going on lately. School is back in full force. This semester I'm teaching 3 composition classes. I enjoy teaching composition. Some of the classes are better than others, but all in all, they're not bad kids. The flu and a ton of other sicknesses are making their ways through the school and so far I've not been too successful at keeping away from them. So far I've had 2 colds and strep throat. All in under 10 weeks. I am currently reading Julia Childs' My Life in France and really enjoying it. I loved Julie and Julia and wanted to know more about her life. I'm hoping to get Mastering the Art of French Cooking for Christmas. (If I do, I'll keep you all updated on the progress, or lack of.) I am currently taking a cake decorating class with my mom. I'm having a lot of fun. I'm not terribly talented, but I'm enjoying eating the cake and spending time with my mom. Overall, life is good.

2009-09-15T17:47:00.000-07:00

I was saddened when I woke up this morning and learned that Patrick Swayze had died. If you're like me, you spent a significant part of your childhood watching Dirty Dancing. I watched it so many times it drove my parents absolutely insane. I had the movie memorized. Later there was Ghost, which I also loved. They are two of the most memorable movies from my childhood.
Dear Patrick,
Thank you for making movies that meant so much to me when I was younger, and even now. You will always be a part of my childhood memories.

Trying some new things and retrying some old...

2009-09-14T16:46:00.001-07:00

One of the goals of this blog was to chronicle all the new things I was going to try this year. Well, I've tried some new stuff and I've tried some stuff that I used to do all over again. Some things have been successful, others have not. I've enjoyed going to baseball games and bowling (although I'm really bad at it). I played putt putt for the first time in over a decade and had a great time. I went roller skating and that didn't go so well. It was a much better idea in my mind than in reality. It seems I forgot that I actually needed some sort of physical coordination to roller skate. Funny how much more worried you are about breaking an arm or a leg or your skull at 30 than you were at 13. This weekend I'm going to try to play tennis. I've only played tennis once in my life, at camp when I was 11 years old. I don't know if I'll be any good, but I'm going to give it a shot. Either way, I know I'll have a good time.

Absolute joy

2009-09-04T16:43:00.000-07:00

As usual, I am spending my Friday night lounging on my couch and watching a movie. Today I decided I wanted to watch one that would make me laugh and cry so I chose Love Actually which is one of my favorite movies of all time. There are so many great scenes in this movie. One of my favorites is when Laura Linney's character is brought home by the cute guy she's been in love with forever. She is so excited that she has to excuse herself to jump up and down. I absolutely love that. It reminds me of the scene in Sense & Sensibility when Emma Thompson finds out that Hugh Grant isn't married. She is so overcome with joy that she breaks into a crying jag. And so do I. Both of these scenes make me so happy that I cry and smile at the same time. They are moments of absolute, pure joy and it can't be contained. How often do moments like that come along in our lives? Not nearly often enough. I've come as close as I ever have to experiencing pure joy this year, a year that I hadn't expected to be so amazing. Here's to hoping we all get to experience these moments, and that we get to do it soon.

Trying again...

2009-08-30T16:29:00.000-07:00

I'm doing it. I'm trying again. I'm starting over on Weight Watchers. I started on the first day of school. I know, I'm crazy. Going back to school and starting a diet all on the same day? I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment. So I'm almost one week in and doing well so far. I've lost almost 3 pounds so far. I haven't starved myself. I have eaten some of the foods that I have tended to gorge myself on, but I've eaten them in moderation and eaten lighter foods for the rest of the day. I have learned that the spray ranch dressing tastes like, well, I won't say what it tastes like, but needless to say it isn't good. The peach Fiber One yogurt, however, is fabulous. It may be the best yogurt I've ever eaten. I know that I can do this. I've done it before. I just need to stick to it and stay focused. I may never be thin but I can be healthier.

My new obsession with orange and my old obsession with fall...

2009-08-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

Fall is almost here and I'm feeling very autumny lately. I can't wait for cool crisp days, jeans, sweaters, and jackets. Because of this (I think) I've been drawn to things that are orange lately. It all started with with the Brita water pitcher that Curt gave me for my birthday. Today at Target I bought a bowl with on orange border. You may have also noticed that I changed the template of my blog. I'm feeling very orange lately! I can't wait for fall and my new orange items are helping me feel like it's getting here faster!

Ocracoke

2009-08-24T17:55:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share some pictures from my Ocracoke trip. The island is beautiful and I can't wait to go back. (NCCATs anyone?)

Update: Julia Child

2009-08-24T17:50:00.000-07:00

Before leaving for Ocracoke, I made dinner for Steve and me. While the dinner itself wasn't that impressive (bbq chicken & corn on the cob), my dessert was. I made from scratch a chocolate meringue pie. I mixed the chocolate pie filling and even whipped the meringue myself. It turned out wonderfully and was soooooo delicious! I was also quite proud of myself. I like cooking, I really do, I just have to stop being so lazy, get off my ass, into the kitchen, and do it! Look out kitchen, here I come!

Amazed

2009-08-10T15:40:00.000-07:00

I'm amazed by how quickly life can change. It seems to happen just when you expect it least, when you're sure that the things you wanted were too much to ask for, that you would never find the things that you were looking for.
Dear God,
Please help me to remember everyday what a lucky girl I am and not to take anything for granted.
A.

Ode to School Supplies

2009-08-10T13:56:00.000-07:00

I have to go back to school in one week. My favorite part of going back to work after a 10 week vacation? School supplies!
My school supply shopping list:
colored ink pens
board markers
3 ring binders
paper clips
mechanical pencils
clorox hard surface cleaner
kleenex
colored paper
post-it notes in all shapes, colors, & sizes
hilighters
Is there anything better than going back to school shopping?

I'm Jealous...

2009-08-07T16:40:00.000-07:00

Today I went to see Julie & Julia. It was absolutely adorable. I smiled through the entire movie. I left quite jealous, however. I'm jealous that I'm not a good cook. There are several reasons for this. I lack the patience required to cook. I want dinner done now. Also, I'm lazy. This is a fact that I've come to accept about myself. Cooking makes a big mess in the kitchen. There are lots of dishes to clean when the cooking is all done. And buying lots of fresh ingredients is expensive and I'm on a fixed income. I'm also a space cadet. I always come home from the grocery store missing at least one ingredient. These are all reasons I tell myself I can't cook. But the fact is, that I enjoy cooking. The last time I really cooked was when I made chicken marsala and homemade mashed potatoes when Steve came over for dinner for the first time. I had a good time cooking and I felt such a sense of accomplishment. I was so proud of myself for producing this great meal. I will make an effort to cook more, and to experiment with different types of food. I can (and will) become a better cook!

Confession

2009-07-26T20:43:00.001-07:00

Those of you who know me probably know that I don't like conflict. I like things to be peaceful and harmonious. I like things this way so much that I am willing to be miserable myself in order to avoid confrontational situations or situations in which others are unhappy. I feel terrible if I choose a movie or restaurant that someone else doesn't like so I usually let the other person choose. I don't usually ask for much help even when it's painfully obvious that I need it because I don't want to inconvenience people. I like to make everyone happy. Well, almost everyone. I'm not so great at making me happy. This is something that I need to work on. Standing up for what I want and need and what will make me happy. There are ways to do this without making me or anyone else unhappy and I just have to look for ways to accomplish that goal. Compromise is my new favorite word.

My summer vacation

2009-07-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

If I were to have to write an essay about my summer vacation, I'm afraid it wouldn't be very exciting to anyone other than me, and that's the way I like it. My adventures have been limited but the good times have not. Does that make me sad? No. I prefer quiet good times to loud ones. I prefer a small group of close friends to a large group of acquaintances. I prefer staying in to going out. Does that make me a boring person? I'm sure to some it does, but it's just fine with me. I've gotten to do a lot of great things this summer.
I visited my friend Nancy in Asheville. It was my first real trip to Asheville. I got to see the drum circle (oh my!) and hike (almost) all the way to the top of a mountain. I also hitchhiked for the first time and watched Cats. All in all, it was a fantastic weekend!
I've read lots of books. I didn't enjoy them all, but I do always enjoy the act of reading. I know everyone else really enjoyed Wicked but I just couldn't get into it. I love to read and love that summer vacation gives me time to do that.
I've watched lots of crappy tv (my favorite kind) and lots of movies I've never seen before. I became addicted to The Real Housewives of New Jersey and am very sad that The Fashion Show ended last night (although Project Runway starts in just a few weeks!). I've also been making my way through classic movies according to Steve. So far I've seen Bull Durham, Caddyshack and Fletch.
I've spent quite a bit of time lounging and sunning myself at the pool. I am working on a decent tan and it's coming along nicely so far. I even played Marco Polo with a 5 year old.
I've had breakfasts, lunches, and dinners with my friends. I love getting to spend time with them. During the school year we are all so busy and it's nice to get to see them and share a good meal.
I'm sure to a lot of people, this sounds like a horrendous waste of time. I have however, recharged my batteries and spent a lot of time doing things that I like to do. Once the school year starts I won't have nearly as much time to do all of these things so it's nice to take a few weeks and do them now.

30 Reasons I'm Happy to be Turning 30...

2009-07-03T07:08:00.000-07:00

So 30 is now only 9 days away and I'm handling this transition really well. As I mentioned before, I think it's because I'm so happy with my life right now. So I've decided to list 30 reasons I'm happy to be turning 30. I'm not going to finish the list today. I'll be 30 for 365 days. Surely over the course of the year there will be more reasons to be happy about being 30. And, let's face it, 30 is a lot of reasons. I'll revisit this list as my 30th year progresses. Today I'll start with 3.
1. I know who I am. In the past I've tried to be other people. The person some guy wanted me to be. The girl that my best friend was. Now, I'm just me. And I'm comfortable with that. There are things that I really like about me and those would disappear if I tried to be someone else. It's taken me 30 years to figure this out.
2. I know that my happiness comes from me, not things outside of me. Yesterday I had lunch with Steve and he ordered hash brown casserole, which he proceeded to cover in ketchup. I said "It already has cheese in it!" He told me that the ketchup was just a continuation of the goodness started with the cheese. That's how I think happiness should work. I'm the hash brown casserole. I already have good stuff going on. The outside stuff is the ketchup. The casserole is good without it, but it's a continuation of the goodness.
3. I've learned to accept my body. Is my body perfect? Far from it. I know that I need to lose weight. I know that I can do it, I've done it before. Am I going to waste time hating myself because of it? No. Life it too short for that. I can try to improve myself without self-loathing. There are things that I like about myself. I like my eyes. I like my smile. I've learned to appreciate what I have without being complacent.
So here are the first 3. Stay tuned, there are 27 more to come!
August 24, 2009: Reason #4
4. I have overcome the need to have any sort of drama in my life. As a high school teacher I know that young girls (and some boys) live for drama. And so do some of their mamas. I am at a place in my life where I believe that the less drama I have in my life the better. I talk to adults all the time who are always in the midst of a crisis. Well, I don't want that in my life at all. I like it when life is simple. I don't like chaos and fuss and disorder. (Why do I teach high school?) I went to a friend for advice about a difficult decision and he told me not to pray for an answer but for peace and it turned out to be great advice. I now ask God for peace in whatever situation I am faced with and it has made the biggest change in my attitude and mindset. Is it God answering my prayer? I think so, but I also think it's me reminding myself that I don't have control over everything so I have to find peace with it. It's me and God working together to figure stuff out. So, in short, if you want to talk about drama go talk to someone else!

Up....

2009-07-02T16:38:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I went to visit Nancy and we saw the movie "Up." This movie really spoke to me. As most of you know, I will be turning 30 in just 10 short days. I'm handling this upcoming milestone much better than I thought I would. There's been no crying, wailing, or gnashing of teeth. I'm not dressing all in black. I haven't retreated from the world and holed myself up in my apartment, eating Ben & Jerry's and never getting out of my pajamas. I'm okay with turning 30. I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm so happy right now. My life isn't what I thought it would be at this point, but it's pretty damn good. "Up" really made me realize that my life may not be the adventure that I had planned, but it's still an adventure and I'd better get with the program and enjoy it.
When I was 18 (was that really so long ago?), I filled out one of those senior memory books that asks you where you want to be in 10 years. I had a plan. I was a girl who knew what she wanted. I would meet the love of my life during college, marry him shortly after graduating, immediately begin having kids, and live somewhere (anywhere) other than Franklin County.
That's not what has happened. I didn't meet Mr. Right in college. I didn't even date all that much. I did, however, make some life-long friends, travel, do lots of fun stuff, and even managed to learn a few things, too. I loved college and had a great time and I wouldn't change anything about it.
I didn't get married right after college, or even yet. I've dated some great guys (and some not so great ones) and I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I have to be myself: that changing to fit what you think someone else wants just doesn't work. I learned that I am more independent and self-reliant than I thought I could be. I still want to get married, but I'm glad that I didn't do it when I was younger. I would have been a terrible wife. I think my chances of having a successful marriage are greater now than they would have been eight years ago.
I don't have kids. That is such a good thing. There are days when it's all I can do to take care of myself and my dog. When I was younger I wanted lots of kids. I also went through a phase when I didn't want any kids. Now I want to have one child (maybe two, but probably just one). I was much too selfish to have kids before this point in my life.
While I don't live in Franklin County, I do work there. I wanted to get out of Franklin County. I thought that was the one thing in my life that I could accomplish, but here I am, making the drive to Louisburg every day. I love teaching at Louisburg High School. My students are challenging but I love them and I think they need me. I love my job and wouldn't change it for anything. I want to make a career there.
Now 30 is here and I've been thinking about how things have turned out. I have friends that are amazing and that I've known since childhood. I have friends that are new that I love so much. I have an amazing job that I know I was meant for. I have a family that is wonderful and loves me. I have an apartment that I've finally finished decorating. I have a dog that is the cutest and sweetest dog in the whole world. I am dating a wonderful man that makes me very happy.
My life isn't what I'd hoped it'd be when I was 18 years old. It's so much better.

The Shelf of Constant Reproach

2009-06-18T10:26:00.000-07:00

I read a story on the NPR website this week that talked about the best books that you'll never read: you know, those books that we own copies of, know we should read, maybe pretend we have read, but just never read. Here's my shelf of constant reproach.
1. Heart of Darkness I've tried and tried to read this. I just can't do it. Last time I got three pages in before I had to put it down.
2. Catcher in the Rye I've tried to read this book over and over again. I always get to the exact same spot when I have to put it down, I just cannot read one more word. I just don't understand.
3. Catch-22 I've heard it's wonderful. Several of my friends have read it and loved it. It's supposed to be funny. Maybe I'm just not smart enough to get it. I've tried it a couple of times but I just can't get into it.
4. Anything by Hemingway. I've read many of his short stories and tried to read several of his novels. I just can't read it. I can appreciate the fact that his writing is innovative, but I just don't enjoy it. I confess, I am an English major/teacher who has never gotten through an entire Hemingway novel. (BTW, I have a theory that you can like either Faulkner or Hemingway. I'm a Faulkner girl. So far, I haven't found anyone who enjoys both. If you do, please let me know. I'd be interested to find out how the heck you can enjoy both.)
5. The Satanic Verses I want to read this book. I want to find out what is so controversial and outrageous that Ayatollah Khomeini decided to put out a fatwa on Rushdie. Surely a book that is so divisive has something important to say, right? I can't get past the first few pages.
I'm not giving up on these books. I will, on occasion, pick them up and try them again, as I have many times in the past. There certainly have been books in my life that I just didn't pick up at the right time. I avoided Tess of the d'Urbervilles for years before finally reading it and absolutely loving it. The same thing happened with The Poisonwood Bible. I'm a firm believer in giving a book a second chance. Or third, or fourth. However many chances they need.
(Sorry for the unfinished post before, I had to leave to go to the salon to get my hair cut. Yeah for new haircuts!)

Is anyone better than Emily?

2009-06-16T20:16:00.001-07:00

To see the Summer Sky by Emily Dickinson

To see the Summer Sky
Is Poetry, though never in a Book it lie --
True Poems flee --

Summer vacation is finally here!

2009-06-16T20:01:00.000-07:00

There were moments when I truly doubted that this day would ever come, but here I am, out of school for summer vacation! This year has been trying at best, and at times down right excruciating. But, as all things do, this, too, passed, and now it's time for some relaxing. I have nearly 10 weeks in which to recharge my batteries and regain my sanity. Is that enough time? I don't know, but I'm going to give it my best shot. There are a few things I'm planning to do to make the summer as enjoyable (and long) as possible. I thought I'd outline a few of them here. In no particular order, they are:
1. READ! I plan to read as many books as I can get my hands on. Reading during the school year is difficult so there are lots of books that I can't wait to get into. I also plan to attend as many book club meetings as possible while I actually have time to read the books.
2. Go to the pool. The pool here at my apartment complex is great, and usually during the week there aren't that many kids there. I plan on staking my claim on a chair, spaying on some sunscreen, and delving into a book. Hopefully, I can go back to school with a nice tan.
3. Spend time with my friends. Most of my friends are teachers so they don't have too much to do during the summer, either. I'm planning to go visit Nancy in a couple weeks, and want to spend a lot of time with my other friends, too.
4. Crochet. I learned to crochet last summer and plan to do more of it this summer. Maybe I can finally finish that blanket I started.
5. Watch crap TV. Let's face it, crap TV gets me through the summer. I have to admit that I'm addicted to The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I'm sure I'll find lots more shows that are truly worthless but endlessly entertaining.
6. Blog. Blogging for me is a cathartic experience. I like to write about my thoughts and feelings. I plan to do a lot of writing this summer.
I'm so exited that summer is here. Summer, please pass slowly!

Because ee knows just what to say...

2009-05-31T09:48:00.000-07:00

   i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like,, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big Love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new

Oldies but Goodies

2009-05-28T13:15:00.000-07:00

Before I discovered the beauty of Facebook, there was Myspace. I wrote a few blogs while I used MySpace and I thought I'd revive them here. So here's the greatest hits:

Adventures in Dating (Nov. 2007)

ships

If you're 28, single, smart, funny, and pretty cute but hate bars, clubs, and work with mainly women and older, married men, where do you go to find perspective husbands? How about a singles book club at Quail Ridge Books? (For those of you not familiar with Quail Ridge, it's the filthy hippy book store over on Wade Avenue.) I had been thinking about joining this book club for a while and I finally decided it was time to go for it. Surely there would be a cournicopia of single, educated, well read men who had been looking for their entire lives for a slightly geeky, chunky brunette with a great sense of humor and a love of designer handbags, right? Well, I woke up at the butt-crack (a big deal, as you know, since I like to spend my Saturday mornings in bed with the dog reading a good book) and got ready- and I mean date ready. I actually did my hair the way my stylist wants me to every day (who has time for that every morning?), did my make-up and coordinated my jewelry, shoes, and handbag. I was ready. (Man, I sure sound desperate!) I said good-bye to the dog and left my humble apartment to find myself a date, and to talk about a book that I hadn't read. (I didn't have time, but I'm sure I'll get around to it one day. It was The March, by E.L. Doctorow, if you're interested). I drove all the way across town (which I really hate doing) and arrived at Quail Ridge with a few minutes to spare. I stuck the book in the purse that perfectly matched my outfit and shoes, and headed in, sure I was about to meet the man of my dreams. I began to browse around the store, to see who else was there for this meeting. For the life of me I could not find a single person in the entire store under the age of 50. I meandered over to the part of the store where the meetings are held and what, to my wondering eyes should appear, but two men and two women, all over the age of 60, holding copies of The March in their hands. OH NOOOO!! Where was the slightly geeky, cute guy who loved Faulkner and Steinbeck, worked literary allusions into casual conversation and liked chunky brunettes? Where was the quy who was going to find me fascinating, invite me to have lunch at the Bruggers next door, fall in love with me, marry me, and possibly father my child? What the crap was this? THIS was the SINGLES book club? Well, needless to say I didn't hang around. I browsed for a few more minutes, so as to not draw any attention to myself, and then casually left the store. Don't men my age read books? And if they don't, why don't they? Aren't there any guys out there that like chunky brunettes with a good sense of humor? Who knows the answers to these questions. Here's what I have learned from this experience: first, if a book club is meeting at 10 am on a Saturday morning it is probably not a club for people under 30, we are all still asleep, or just rolling groggily out of bed because they dog just won't wait for one more minute. Also, it doesn't hurt to try something new. This book club didn't work out for me but the next thing I try may (not to mention I got a story that Curt has been telling anyone who will listen, so if you've already heard this story from him I apologize and hope mine is more entertaining- if it is, be sure to tell him).

Everything I need to know I learned from watching Poseidon... (June 2006)

Well, I did it. I went to see Poseidon. My fascination with Josh Lucas's bulging biceps and receding hairline got the best of me. There was a preview for The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift or Tokyo Crap or something like that, I can't remember. Who really thought we needed another of those movies? Can I get a job coming up with ideas for bad sequels? I'm sure it pays better than teaching. What doesn't pay better than teaching? But, I digress...I learned so much from Poseidon that I felt the need to share it with you all, in case you ever find yourselves in one of these situations.
1. You will need to be able to support not only your own body weight with your upper body but also the body weight of at least two other average size adults. Who knows when you'll find yourself dangling in an elevator shaft with a waiter hanging on your pants? I know if that ever happens to me I want to be prepared. Also, you'll need to be prepared to shake the waiter off your pants to save your own ass. And it wouldn't hurt to spring for some nice pants. You know, the ones that won't rip if a waiter hangs off of them- don't settle for anything less.
2. Whatever you do, don't take a kid on vacation with you. They are nothing but trouble. If you do have to take one on vacation lock it in its room. Or hire a nanny to take care of it. Did I mention that they are nothing but trouble?
3. If you are going on a sea voyage, be sure that either Kurt Russell, Josh Lucas, or Richard Dreyfus is booked on your ship. (Heady, you should check on this soon.) I know Richard Dreyfus seems like an odd choice but it turns out that he's pretty handy to have around in a crisis- I mean most guys' heads would have fallen off after being hit in the face with a steel hatch but he just shook it off and kept going. I wouldn't choose him for mouth to mouth but he's not bad to have around. And who knows, maybe he can loan you a Mr. Holland sweater vest if you get cold on deck one night.
4. Never thrown the necklace over the...oh, wait, wrong ocean disaster movie...never mind.
Well, alright, I only learned three things from Titanic, oh I mean Poseidon, but I think these are three lessons will prove to be invaluable. Please take heed and be safe this vacation season. You never know when a rogue wave will strike.

Baby Birds!

2009-05-26T14:17:00.001-07:00

I have baby birds nesting in the petunias on my porch.

GLEE!

2009-05-23T15:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Glee,
I believe that you are my new favorite show. Teen drama, singing, dancing, one liners, what more could a girl ask for in a show? Please come back soon. I will be waiting (not so) patiently for you. At least I have the pilot saved in my DVR to help me miss you less. Hurry, Glee, hurry!
A.

Where have I been?

2009-05-23T14:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Reader,
Maybe you've noticed I haven't posted in a while. Maybe you haven't. Maybe you've missed my posts, or maybe you thought "Thank goodness she's finally given it a rest." Whatever the case may be, here I am, making my return to posting. Where have I been? Well, I've been out living my life. I've met a great guy that I am enjoying spending as much time with as possible. We've been doing lots of fun things. In the last two months I've gone bowling (I'm getting better each time), been to a baseball game, been to the prom, and in general, been very happy. I choose not to be more specific here, not because I don't want to talk about him (believe me, I do.), I just choose to keep some things to myself. I will say that he is fabulous and that I'm a very lucky girl. (There's also the fact that I'm afraid of jinxing it by saying these things out loud. Silly, I know, but it concerns me.)
Summer is almost here (14 days, including workdays!) and I plan to do more posting over the summer, so those of you who have missed me, keep checking back, there's more to come. For those of you who are groaning aloud in disgust right now, sorry, but I'll be bored and need something to do.
A.

Goodbye Bea

2009-04-25T14:12:00.000-07:00

When I navigated to Yahoo just now to check my email a very sad headline greeted me. "Golden Girl passes away." Next to it was a picture of Bea Arthur. Now I'm not normally a girl who gets overly emotional over the lives or deaths of celebrities. Of course it's sad when another human being dies, and I pray for peace and comfort for their families, but I don't normally feel a sense of personal loss. That wasn't the case when I saw this headline. I don't know why, I but I feel very saddened over her passing. Maybe it's because I'm such a fan of The Golden Girls (who isn't? If you're not, I don't think we can be friends.), or maybe it's because I relate so much to the character she plays on that show (see my facebook page, I took the quiz, I'm a Dorothy). Whatever the reason, the passing of Bea Arthur has made me sad.
Dear Bea,
Thank you for providing me with countless hours of wonderful entertainment and for sharing your talent with us. Thank you for being my TV friend. You will be greatly missed.
A.

i thank You God for most this amazing

2009-04-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

- e.e. cummings
i thank You God for most this amazing

day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth

day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay

great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing

breathing any-lifted from the no

of all nothing-human merely being

doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

April is the cruelest month...

2009-04-22T13:50:00.000-07:00

This year I have found that T.S. Eliot knew what he was talking about when he said "April is the cruelest month." (It's the first line from "The Waste Land" if anyone is interested.) Now, nothing truly terrible has happened to me this month, just a series of annoying incidents, that combined, make for a month that is, at best, a comedy of errors.
On Sunday the 5th, while driving home from date #2 (which was really fun!) I was rear-ended by a guy who was tailgating and not paying attention. Luckily, Gracie and I were uninjured, but Betsy (by cute little Corolla) didn't fare quite as well. She's been in the shop for over two weeks now getting a new rear. The rental car that I have been driving (a Grand Prix) has been problematic. Today I had to return it to the rental agency because a warning light came on for the second time. And the driver's door locked when I got out to put gas in it. The other doors were unlocked, but I didn't find this out until there was already a patrolman there trying to unlock the door. Talk about feeling like an idiot! The rental agency gave me a new car, which I'm totally in love with (a Toyota 4Runner) and of course, my car is scheduled to be done tomorrow. Just my luck.
On the Sunday after the car accident I awoke in the middle of the night with the most painful acid reflux of my life. The next morning my throat was swollen nearly shut from the irritation and I was in pain every time I swallowed. Luckily, I am fine, but that was an annoying way to start my spring break. Not to mention I spent $50 dollars at the Urgent Care getting a diagnosis: there's nothing we can do for you.
On Monday I was in the middle of teaching my English II class (sophomores) when I sat down on my stool and crack...bam. The stool broke and I came crashing to the floor, hitting my head on the radiator behind me. I opened my eyes to see 20 15 year olds, mouths agape, eyes bulging, waiting to see if I was alive. Luckily, having been clumsy for my entire life, I'm used to these things, so I said "I'm okay, you can laugh." Luckily (again), my sophomores, while a chatty bunch, are great kids. They asked me if I was okay and didn't laugh (too much). Now, two days later, I still have a sore knot on the back of my head, which makes styling my hair every morning a painful experience.
Again, none of these things are horrible, they are just annoying. I guess it's better to have a series slightly annoying incidents than one really huge terrible accident, so I'm trying to be thankful for that. I just want this month (or at least my streak of bad luck) to be over!

Things to celebrate

2009-04-18T09:24:00.000-07:00

I've come to realize that my blog has taken a somewhat whiny tone and I don't like it. I make a concerted effort, every day, not to whine. I know what a lucky girl I am and try to remember to say a prayer of thanks each day. There are days that I forget, but I think I do it more than I don't. My life certainly isn't perfect, but there are more good things than bad, and that's more than a lot of people can say, especially right now. So, in an effort not to forget all of the things in my life I have to celebrate, here's a short list of things that make my imperfect, wonderful life a little more enjoyable.
1. Great friends. I have wonderful friends whom I love very much. Most of them, I've known since I was a little girl. How lucky I am to have such loyal people in my life!
2. Wonderful family. I love my parents very much. My mom is my best friend. My dad is very supportive. My brother, who still irks me beyond belief, loves me. When I need something he's always there.
3. A job I love. Do my students drive me absolutely insane on a daily basis? Yes. Do I love getting to know them and watch them grow up? Absolutely.
4. A wonderful dog. My Gracie is the best dog on the planet. She is sweet and gentle and I love cuddling up to her warm fur on cold nights.
5. Books. I love reading. I love to pick up a book and travel to another place and time. It's a free vacation I can take without leaving my apartment.
6. Spring. It's finally here! The sun is out, the flowers are blooming, and (in spite of the pollen) it's a great time of year!
7. Summer vacation. I'm looking forward to spending the summer lounging by the pool, devouring books, and exercising more. Teachers are the luckiest people in the world!
It's easy for us all to focus on the bad things in our lives. They seem to take up so much more time and energy. It's important, though, for us to remember all the things we have in our lives that make them worth living!

Because sometimes I get tired of waiting and I know Emily understands me.

2009-04-17T19:00:00.000-07:00

VI. -Emily Dickinson

If you were coming in the Fall,
I'd brush the Summer by
With half a smile, and half a spurn,
As Housewives do, a Fly.

If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls --
And put them each in separate Drawers,
For fear the numbers fuse --

If only Centuries, delayed,
I'd count them on my Hand,
Subtracting, till my fingers dropped
Into Van Dieman's Land.

If certain, when this life was out --
That yours and mine, should be
I'd toss it yonder, like a Rind,
And take Eternity --

But, now, uncertain of the length
Of this, that is between,
It goads me, like the Goblin Bee --
That will not state -- its sting.

Out with the old

2009-04-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I am on spring break this week and I have been trying to make the most of my time. I have seen friends, spent time with my family, gone on a date (#4! Keep your fingers crossed!), and I have scrubbed my apartment from top to bottom and cleaned out all of my closets. Today my mom came and helped me with the big one: my bedroom closet. It was my goal to get rid of all of the clothes that didn't fit, which, as it turns out, is most of them. Most of you know that over the last couple years my weight has fluctuated quite a bit. As a result, when I walked into my closet this morning, there were clothes in 7 different sizes. That is insanity! As I was cleaning out the things that no longer fit I was shocked by how small some of those clothes were. I distinctly remember still feeling like a huge fatty while wearing them. Now I wonder how in the world I was ever that small. As my mom and I were folding these clothes up and putting them in the box it felt like I was saying goodbye to someone. I don't know if I'll ever be that size again. I don't know if I have the will-power or motivation to work that hard again. I miss that girl. But I don't hate the girl I am now. This is the battle I've had with myself for most of my life: I want to be thin but I also want to accept who I am right now. My weight is something that I struggle with constantly, physically, mentally, and emotionally. So here's my prayer: Dear God, Please help me to be the best and healthiest me that I can be and love myself whatever that means. Amen.

The Single Life

2009-04-13T17:52:00.001-07:00

As you know, faithful readers, I am a single girl nearing 30. This has its good and bad aspects. There are times when I love being a single girl in the world. I like the quiet of my apartment. I like being able to put stuff where I want to put stuff. I like not having to share the remote control or my bathroom with anyone else. There are times, however, when I really hate it, and lately I've noticed quite a few instances when being a single girl has been really terrible. As most of you surely know, I have recently completed the National Board process. On the day I mailed my box (one of my happiest days!) I wanted to go out to celebrate, or at least to go out to the local Mexican restaurant for dinner and possibly margaritas, but everyone I know had other stuff going on. When I finished taking the test for Boards on Saturday morning I wanted to call someone to share my excitement at finally being completely done with this process but everyone was busy and I couldn't get anyone on the phone. These are things that I would really like to have had someone to share them with, someone to call and say "Honey, I'm finished! Let's go out to dinner!" Sunday morning at about 3:30 am I woke up feeling really icky. Waking up sick and alone in the middle of the night is one of the worst feelings in the entire world. I really wished that there was someone there- not to take care of me, just to know that I wasn't alone and if I did need someone that someone was there. I want someone to share things with. Don't get me wrong, I have the most wonderful, amazing, loving, kind, generous friends in the world and I love them so much but there are things I want in this life that friends can't give me. I want to fall in love and have someone to share my life with, the good and the bad. I'm going to keep looking, surely he's out there somewhere.

This will make you happy.

2009-04-13T17:41:00.000-07:00

I love this video of Susan Boyle singing on Britain's Got Talent. I can't begin to describe it so you're just going to have to watch it for yourself to find out why it made me cry and smile and my heart happy. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

An open letter to parents about dog etiquette

2009-04-03T13:03:00.000-07:00

Dear parents,
I have two concerns. Please teach your children proper dog etiquette, not only for the safety of your children, but also for the welfare of my dog. I live in an apartment complex and frequently encounter children while walking my dog. The children whose parents have taught them about dogs ask me if the dog bites and when I tell them no, they ask if they can pet her. While I'm not completely comfortable with this, the kids who ask are almost always more gentle with my dog and therefore less likely to cause any problems. My major concern with this scenario, however, is that it's not safe for kids to do that, unfortunately. While I, myself, am not going to abduct and harm a child, there are lots of people who will. It's dangerous for a child to approach an adult to play with a dog. If you've taught your kids about dog manners take a few minutes and teach them not to talk to strangers. My next problem is with kids who don't ask if they can pet my dog, just run up to her, get in her face, and try to hang all over her. My dog is the most gentle dog in the world, but she's still a dog. Even though she has no history of snapping or biting that doesn't mean that she will never do it. Every dog who bit someone had to do it for the first time sometime. I love my dog and don't want her to do something that will get her in trouble, or God forbid, put down, because your child doesn't know how to behave around dogs. Teach your child that he/she must ask before touching someone else's dog.
I love my dog. You love your kid. Let's make sure nothing happens to either of them.
A

Because we all do too much

2009-04-02T16:21:00.000-07:00

The peace of wild things by Wendell Berry

When despair grows in me
and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting for their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

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I'm Finished!

2009-03-30T14:56:00.000-07:00

I never thought this day would get here, but now it has and I am so happy! I put the box containing National Boards in the mail today. The process has been long and exhausting and tried every single ounce of patience I have, but I finished it. When I walked out of the UPS Store without the box I felt an actual weight lifted off of my body. Tonight, for the first time in months, I don't have to feel guilty if I don't do any work on Boards. Especially for the last month, I have been consumed by this process, but now it is finished. I still have to take the test, and I'm doing that on April 11, but that doesn't worry me nearly as much as getting the entries done. I won't find out until November if I passed or not, but I'm going to do my very best not to think about it until then (those of you who know me know that that probably won't happen!). Now that I'm done, there are a few things that I plan to do. Since I love lists, here they are, in no particular order:
1. Read a book. I haven't been able to sit down and enjoy reading a book without feeling guilty for not spending that time on Boards in months. I'm going to read like crazy for a while and consume books as fast as humanly possible.
2. Take advantage of my Netflix subscription. I've already started on this one: I'm watching Pan's Labyrinth right now.
3. Clean my apartment. There is more dog hair around here than I care to admit and now I have time to do something about it.
4. Cook dinner again. I've been eating out a lot lately and now I'll have time to cook.
5. Stop neglecting my friends. I haven't talked to them or spent as much time with them as I'd like lately, so I'm planning to start doing more of that, so look out, I may be giving you a call!

It's raining, it's pouring...

2009-03-16T18:36:00.000-07:00

When The Sun Come After Rain by Robert Louis Stevenson

WHEN the sun comes after rain
And the bird is in the blue,
The girls go down the lane
Two by two.

When the sun comes after shadow
And the singing of the showers,
The girls go up the meadow,

Fair as flowers.

When the eve comes dusky red
And the moon succeeds the sun,
The girls go home to bed
One by one.

And when life draws to its even
And the day of man is past,
They shall all go home to heaven,
Home at last.

Are you all as tired of the rain as I am? I am tired of it, both literally and metaphorically. I am ready for some sunshine in my life! Hang on, everybody, it's just around the corner, I can feel it!

Anxiety

2009-03-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

Some of you, dear readers, may know that I have an anxiety disorder. I was finally diagnosed in 2003 and have been on and off medication ever since. There are times when the anxiety is much worse than others and there isn't always a clear trigger: sometimes it's just there. The feelings, worries, and physical manifestations are also different. Sometimes I'm worried about very specific things: do I have enough money to last through the month? What if something bad happens to someone I love? What if someone breaks into my apartment? Those types of worries are more manageable; I can reason my way through them. At worst, they cause a panic attack which, while not fun, is short. Sometimes, however, I have a general feeling of anxiety and everything, even the smallest detail of my everyday life turns into a huge unmanageable problem: Was that thing that Gracie just ate off of the ground a piece of gum that will kill her? What if my gas pedal gets stuck and I drive into that ravine? What if I get fired because I forgot to return that phone call? Those fears don't have to be rational (and usually aren't) and they are much harder to cope with since there is no rational reason for the fear. Unfortunately, those are the ones that seem to pile up all at the same time. Those are the ones that cause the most severe anxiety symptoms I've ever experienced, the real, scary, physical ones. I feel tired, have a headache, feel nauseous, having a racing pulse, feel short of breath, all of which cause me more anxiety: What if I'm having a stroke? or a heart attack? What if I die? These are very scary anxieties and leave me physically and mentally exhausted. Last year I ended up in the emergency room because of them. Currently, I am on no daily medication for this. I am, however, on lorazepam, an anxiolytic, which manages my anxiety on an emergency basis: I take it when things get bad so they, hopefully, won't get any worse. Things have been pretty bad this week: I've been anxious non-stop about everything and am struggling to keep it together. I have been experiencing the worst symptoms and they have just been compounding theproblem. I am writing about this, not for pity or sympathy, but in the hopes that by writing about my problems I will be able to deal with them a little better, that maybe if I get some of this out I can deal with it in a more productive, healthy way. It is my nature to keep things inside, to pretend everything is fine, especially when it's not. I will ask, however, that if you're a praying person, you keep me in your prayers while I try to muddle my way through this latest onslaught of anxiety.

Movies that make me happy

2009-03-13T19:25:00.000-07:00

I've been in a funk this week: moping around, feeling down in the dumps. It's now Friday and I don't want to spend my weekend doing the same thing. One thing that cheers me up is a good movie. Since I love lists, here's a list of movies that never fail to drive my blues away.
1. Sense & Sensibility: I love the scene when Emma Thompson realizes that Hugh Grant isn't married. It's one of the best scenes ever.
2. Love Actually: 5 words: "To me, you are perfect."
3. Steel Magnolias: I know, this seems like an odd choice for a cheer me up movie, but this movie is genuinely funny and who doesn't need a good cry every now and then? And I've learned that there is no circumstance in the world in which a quote from this movie isn't appropriate.
4. 10 Things I Hate About You: There are more than 10 things I love about this movie. It's sweet and funny, and it always makes me smile.
5. Never Been Kissed: Socially awkward girl falls for hunky English teacher who falls for her back. Love it.
6. Singing In the Rain: Who doesn't love a good musical? This is one of my favorites. Every time I watch this I'm singing "Good mornin', good mornin', we've talked the whole night through..." for days.
7. West Side Story: While we're talking about musicals, this one is another one of my favorites. I know, I know, he dies, but there are such good songs for singing along to..."I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright, and I pity any girl who isn't me tonight." Wonderful.
8. Pretty Woman: Isn't this every girl's fantasy? Well, maybe not the prostitution part, but definitely Richard Gere (or some rich handsome guy, possibly George Clooney?) coming to whisk you away from all your problems.
9. Little Miss Sunshine: This movie makes me laugh so hard every single time I see it, and I watch it a lot. She's adorable, her family is insane, and I love Steve Carell- he is playing the number one Proust scholar in the US, after all.
10. The Holiday: Two messed up girls find love and friendship. Who can't relate to one of these girls? (By the way, I'm totally Kate Winslet's character.)
11. Notting Hill: "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her" and "To June who loved this garden from Joseph who always sat beside her." So sweet! So romantic!
Therapy is expensive. Renting a movie or watching one you already own is cheap. The weather is going to be cold and nasty this weekend. Curl up on your couch with a blanket, the dog, and the remote control and watch one of your favorite pick-me-up movies. If you're looking for me, that's what I'll be doing this weekend.

A Perfect Poetic Description of Spring

2009-03-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

in Just-
by: e.e. cummings

in Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious the little
lame balloonman

whistles far and wee

and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it's
spring

when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer
old balloonman whistles
far and wee
and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

it's
spring
and
the

goat-footed

balloonMan whistles
far
and
wee

Spring Cleaning

2009-03-07T10:38:00.000-08:00

Today the weather is so lovely. It's 70 degrees, the sun is shining, and there's a nice breeze blowing. It seems like just last week we were trapped inside because of snow and ice. Wait a minute, that was just last week. I know this weather isn't going to last but I am going to enjoy it while it's here. And I'm going to use this nice spring-like weather to motivate me to do a little spring cleaning. And I'm not just talking about my house- although that certainly needs it. As part of living a more full and enjoyable life, there's some life spring cleaning that I need to do, too. As I'm sure you've noticed, dear reader, I am fond of making lists. Here's another one, of the spring cleaning I hope to accomplish this year.
1. Emotional: I need to tell the people in my life that are important to me that I love them. I don't think this is something I do often enough. We all have people that we tell we love them all the time, but there are some, whom we love just as much, that we never tell. I am going to make an effort to tell the people in my life how I feel about them more often. I am also going to work to forgive those people I've been holding a grudge against. Nothing is gained by harboring bad feelings towards another person, except lots of stress and worry lines on your face, and Lord knows I don't need any more of either of those. I am going to let go of old grudges and move on. It will make me a happier and more contented person.
2. Physical: I have got to get my ass moving. Every week I think "This is the week I'll really do it." and then I don't. I have got to change that. Not just because I don't like what I see in the mirror, but also because I don't like the way I feel. I was so much happier in a smaller body and lately I've been missing the feeling of exercising. I have to break the hold that food has over me and begin to live my best life, which doesn't include eating copious amounts of food. (And, I have lots of cute skinny clothes in my closet, just taunting me!)
3. Career: I love my job so much. Even on the worst day teaching I am happier than I was on my best day working in a cubicle. I love working with the kids, I love talking to them and being a part of such a great time in their lives. Some of them, however, drive me absolutely crazy. I have a hard time understanding students who come to school and refuse to do anything except be mean to their classmates and sleep. I've been looking for ways to motivate them: games, activities, puzzles, videos, and nothing is working. I've got to find some way to get to them. Or find a way to deal with the stress that their apathy causes me. I want the best for them and I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that they don't seem to want the best for themselves.
4. Social: I feel a little like a fraud. The point of this blog has been to chronicle me getting out of my house and enjoying my life. I haven't really done a lot of that lately. I can blame it on the Boards (which are almost done! Yay!) but let's face it: I am a homebody by nature. I have found a few things that I enjoy and hope to do more of. I found a book club at a local book store that is fun, and a singles book club that I want to try. I'm planning to try to find more activities that interest me and fit who I am instead of trying to change who I am to fit into an activity. There is life outside of my apartment and I am slowly but surely finding it!
Well, there it is. The things I need to clean up this spring (in addition to my apartment, which sure is dusty at the moment!) Let's all use this spring to make some changes in our life that we have been putting off for a long time. There's no better time than now!

Just because I like it...

2009-03-03T18:16:00.001-08:00

wishes for sons
by Lucille Clifton

i wish them cramps. i wish them a strange town and the last tampon. I wish them no 7-11. i wish them one week early and wearing a white skirt. i wish them one week late. later i wish them hot flashes and clots like you wouldn't believe. let the flashes come when they meet someone special. let the clots come when they want to. let them think they have accepted arrogance in the universe, then bring them to gynecologists not unlike themselves.

Things to do on a snow day

2009-03-02T10:43:00.000-08:00

It snowed last night and so today there is no school. There may not be any school tomorrow. Or ever. I live in the south and we just aren't prepared for snow. So here I am, unable to leave my house, forced to entertain myself. What in the world am I to do? Here are some ideas.
1. Make snow cream. All you need is some snow (be sure it hasn't been walked on or otherwise compromised), milk and sugar to taste. It won't last long so eat it fast, but be careful not to eat it too fast or you'll get a brain freeze. This is yummy goodness and will take you straight back to your childhood.
2. Read a book. Contrary to the beliefs of my students, reading will not actually kill you. It may, however, may cause you to lose track of time and become completely absorbed in another world.
3. Take a long hot bath. We all have more to do than we have time to do it in. Today you've been given a free day, a chance to spend a little time just on yourself. Use it. Run a tub full of hot water, add beads or bubbles or salts or just yourself, sit back and relax. Let the hot water wash all your stress away. Think about absolutely nothing. Don't get out until you are pruned all over. For best results, this can be combined with number two.
4. Take pictures of random stuff covered in snow. Inside most of us lies a photographer just dying to get out. Use this as a chance to let him/her free. Take pictures of trees, leaves, your pets, whatever you see. You'll feel like Ansel Adams or Annie Lebowitz in no time.
5. Watch a movie you haven't seen in years or are embarassed to let anyone know you enjoy. It's even better if it's a movie for kids or teenager and you are not one yourself . I, for example, will probably pop in A Cinderella Story this afternoon and cuddle under a nice warm blanket. I don't usually tell my friends I enjoy this movie. After all, I am nearly 30 years old and it is a Hillary Duff movie, but it just gets me every time.
6. Redecorate your home. If you're like me you are stranded inside and can't drive anywhere. This makes redecoration more challenging, but also more interesting (and economical, see post "How are you dealing with the recession?) since you will have to use stuff that you already own. Move that picture from the living room to the bedroom. Swap the sofa and love seat. You'll be surprised what a big difference a little change of scenery will make.
7. Indulge in that hobby you've neglected for too long. I crochet but haven't crocheted anything for about a month now. That's not good! I releases my stress and makes me feel productive. Or, learn a new one. There are websites that can teach you to do lots of stuff, provided you already have the supplies you need at home.
8. Turn on some music, sing along, and dance. You may feel silly at first but you'll eventually start to smile and feel good pretty. Lookin' for a Good Time is playing here right now. It always makes me sing and dance. It's also good exercise so your heart will be doubly happy.
9. Play with your kids, pet, or significant other. (Believe me, I wish I had a significant other to be playing with right now! *wink*) Go outside and play in the snow. Make snow angels. Have a snow ball fight. Enjoy not being at work and out of your house for a little while.
10. Take a nap. Kindergarteners aren't the only ones who need naps. Take a little time today and take one. Lie down on your bed, couch, chair, anywhere it's comfy, quiet, and warm enough to go to sleep. You don't have to sleep for long, just indulge yourself!
Remember, this is a snow day. You can do what ever you want. And remember, as long as what you do today helps you stay sane tomorrow the day hasn't been wasted!

In case you forget...

2009-02-28T14:08:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling quite postie today, so here's one more just because we all forget how phenomenal we are sometimes.

PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

How are you dealing with the recession?

2009-02-28T12:47:00.000-08:00

I am very lucky to have not yet been severely impacted by the recession. That doesn't mean, however, that I'm not going to make changes to the way I live. When I started teaching just 8 short years ago teaching was a safe, steady job- who fires good teachers when there's a teacher shortage? Now it's entirely possible that my position (which is federally funded) will be cut at the end of the semester. That scares the shit out of me. Admittedly, I am not good with money. My recent weight loss and gain prompted me to buy two new wardrobes: one for the new skinny me and one for the new fat me. That has put me in quite a bit of credit card debt. I have, however, learned a valuable lesson. I have not used a credit card in over six months and do not intend to ever use one again. I am working now to pay off balances a little at a time and that takes quite a bite out of my budget. As a result, I thought I'd share some of the ways that I'm cutting small amounts out of my budget that lead to big savings when all added up and not drastically changing my lifestyle.
1. I buy generic. I have found very few generic products that aren't as good (or at least nearly as good) as the brand name and they're tons cheaper. I love Ben & Jerry's, but it's a little pricey on a budget. You can buy store brand that tastes quite similar and is half the price for twice as much ice cream. Who doesn't love twice as much ice cream? I have, however, found a few exceptions to this. I will NEVER again buy generic detergent. I got a rash that I will never forget. I also have stopped buying salon hair products but don't buy the bargain basement brands either- I stick to the middle- not as good as salon but not as bad on my hair as the generic.
2. I get my hair cut every two months now, not every six weeks. This may not sound like a big deal, but it saves me about $100 a year. Instead of 8 cuts I get 6 and it isn't really noticeable. (This suggestion actually came from my mom. Thanks Mama!)
3. Instead of going to the movies I watch movies on pay-per-view. (I know it isn't called this anymore but I still call the computer program used to look for library books the card catalog- what can I say? I'm an old fashioned girl.) Going to the movies can be pretty expensive- it's $9.50 at one of the local theaters now. Renting a movie from cable, however, only costs $3.99. This also saves on popcorn and drinks and we all know if you get snacks at the movies you can spend an entire month's grocery budget! And you can watch in your pjs. They frown on that at the movie theater.
4. I use coupons. I got one of those coupon books school kids are always selling. The thing has paid for itself. It only costs $25 and the coupon on the first page was for a free oil change- that alone costs $35. There are lots of coupons for half price dinners and even some free stuff. Check the money mailer that comes each month. There is lots of good stuff in there. The Sunday paper is also a really great source for coupons. You can also find discount codes if you're buying stuff on the internet. You can also print off coupons on the internet.
5. Buy used stuff and sell your old stuff. Take books that you aren't going to read again to a used book store. That's a great way to earn some extra cash. They also will frequently give you trade credit to buy books in their store. This is great if you love books like I do. They also usually sell movies and DVDs so you can get rid of the ones that you're never going to watch or listen to again. I do this every couple of months and the money you make really adds up (and cuts down on clutter in your house).
6. I keep the heat in my apartment pretty low. Some of my friends complain about this when they come over but I just toss them a blanket. Last month I saved $15 on my electric bill by turning down the heat. Do I get cold? Yes. But I just put on some fuzzy socks and wrap up in a blanket.
7. I'm trying really really really hard to eat out less. This has been the most difficult for me. It's so easy to run out and pick something up but it also adds up really quickly. It's my goal this week to eat out only on Saturday night. I've stocked up on groceries and am set. I have plenty of food in my house and am going to do my best to stick to this. This will also help me lose some weight and I need to do that too!
8. I pick out one miscellaneous expenditure each month. This month it's curtains for my bedroom. Next month it's going to the the Twilight movie. (I have an unnatural obsession with Robert Pattinson.) In the spring it'll probably be pedicures. Just like on a diet, if I completely deny myself everything I'll overspend. This way I am buying something I want but not going overboard with it.
These are just of few of the things I'm doing to try to ease the strain on my pocketbook. They've helped me and I hope they can help you too!

Make yourself happy

2009-02-22T17:16:00.000-08:00

It seems like such a simple idea but it's so hard for so many of us. We have to make ourselves happy. We can't wait for someone else to do it. We have to find our own happiness and we have to find it however we can. It doesn't have to be big, extravagant, life changing stuff, it can be little stuff that happens to us everyday, we just have to recognize it when it happens and I think that's where most of us have a hard time: we are so caught up in all of the other crap in our lives that we don't pay attention to the little things in our life that can make us happy. Sit down, make a list, and pay attention to what makes your life worth living!
Here's my list:
1. Getting a haircut. It's such a small thing, but every time I walk out of the salon with a new haircut I feel so beautiful and confident.
2. Cuddling with my dog. I like to lie in bed and scratch her tummy while she sleeps and I watch tv- we both are happy then.
3. Finishing a good book. I love the sense of completion that comes with finishing a book that I enjoyed.
4. Starting a good book. It's beginning a new adventure, meeting new people, making new friends, it's so exciting.
5. Watching the Oscars. I love looking at the dresses and the handsome men in their tuxedos. I also secretly practice my own acceptance speech in the bathroom mirror...I'd like to thank my wonderful husband George Clooney...
6. Messages on Facebook from people I really like but never get to talk to. I love getting messages from people in my life who aren't in it nearly enough.
7. Clean sheets. I love the feeling of climbing into bed after changing the sheets. They're so cool and crisp and wonderful. It's such great sleeping.
8. Jello. I know it's silly, but a cup of jello with whip cream on top always makes me smile.
9. Seeing one of my students do something nice for another. It's really easy to only see the difficult students and forget that some of them truly are wonderful human beings. It always makes me happy to see one of them do something nice for another for no other reason than to do something nice.
10. Singing in the car. I love to sing loudly and badly in the car. It relaxes me on the way home form a stressful day at work. I don't subject anyone else to it, but it makes me smile.
This is just a small list of things that make me happy. There are so many more that it would take too long for me to write and you to read. Just take a few minutes and look around and find out what makes you happy. It's your life and you're the one who has to make it good!

eHarmony?

2009-02-21T05:47:00.000-08:00

I am almost 30 years old. I am single. I have never had a real boyfriend. I want to change that. I want to wake up on Sunday, July 12 (my 30th birthday) in the arms of a man that I love (or at least really really like), not staring at the dog's butt (you'd be surprised at how many mornings this is the sight that greets me when I open my eyes). This morning I subscribed to eHarmony. I've tried Match.com before, with little success, and want to try something new. Their prices are usually too high, but they had a sale (and I'm a sucker for a sale) so I decided to try it. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. So far all of the men seem to be most proud of "keeping physically fit" which is admirable, but I have a sneaking suspicion that those aren't the guys that are going to find me appealing. And besides, I like a man who's a little chunky himself. Anyway, I've paid for three months. I guess if I get at least one decent date out of it it'll be worth it.
In preparation for meeting someone, I'm going to outline what I'm looking for. I'm going to try to limit it to just a few qualifications, as many of my friends (and my mother) think that my problem is that I'm too picky. (I, however, believe that I have suffered from a lack of decent choices and just because I'm fat and still single doesn't mean I have to settle for just any old loser. I would rather be alone than with someone I don't like or treats me like crap.)
1. I want a man who accepts me for who I am. Physically, I think this could be a challenge. I know that there are lots of guys who like big girls, but lets face it, there aren't as many of them. I am a big girl, but I also have a big heart to match.
2. I want a man with whom I share some interests. I'm not looking for a male version of me (Lord knows that would drive me insane) but I do want to find someone with whom I can share some things. The last guy I went on a date with didn't seem to share a single interest with me. We spent a couple hours talking "at" each other- neither seeming to really care what the other was saying since it was about something we weren't interested in. "I teach." "Oh yeah? I hated school." "I love UNC basketball." "I don't like sports." "I like to read." "I haven't read a book since my high school English teacher forced me to." What are we supposed to talk about? What will we do on a date that is more than just dinner? I need someone who shares some of my interests.
3. I want a man who is emotionally available. In the past I have been attracted to men who aren't able to or don't want to commit. This has been safe for me. I don't really have to risk anything if I know that it's not going anywhere from the very beginning. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to find a man who is actually ready and willing to start a relationship.
4. I want a man who is dependable. I want someone who calls when he says he will, who has time to spend getting to know me, who is honest and trustworthy. I've dated guys who are the exact opposite of this. I end up sitting at home wondering what I did wrong, what I could have possibly done to make them not call, blaming myself for them ignoring me. I can't do that anymore.
Well, there it is. What I'm looking for. I really belive that I have a lot to offer, and I'm hoping I can find the man who is looking for what I have. (By the way- if you have any single male friends who fit this description please send them my way!)

Things to be thankful for...

2009-02-03T17:38:00.000-08:00

I don't want anyone to think that I hate my life or am ungrateful for all the wonderful people and things I have in it. I know what a lucky lucky girl I am and am thankful for so much, I just want to improve certain aspects of my life that have been lacking. So here goes, I'm going to list some of the things I am most thankful for in my life. This is by no means a complete list, but I do want to give a shout out to all my peeps...keep raisin' the roof, so here goes.
I am so lucky to have two of the best parents in the world. I teach children all do who don't have anyone at home to care about them, who have already, at their young ages, lost parents, who have to be the adults at home- taking care of themselves, their siblings, and even their own parents. I am so lucky to have parents that love me and still look after me, even at 29 and a half years old. When I was a teenager my parents' involvement in my life drove me crazy- my mom was president of every group I participated in- but now I know she did it because she loved me and wanted to support what I was doing. Last night my mom couldn't get hold of me (my cell phone had died and was still in the car) and she drove all the way to my house to check on me. This may sound a little crazy, but being a single girl it really means a lot to have someone who will come to check on me if they think something is wrong. (I'm a little afraid of dying, no one noticing for weeks, and Grace eating me when she runs out of food!)
I am also luck to have some of the best friends in the entire world. My BFF Curtis and I have known each other since we were 3 years old. We met at Miss Patsy's Pre-School. We have a standing Saturday night date and I love him so much. He is kind, generous, funny, smart, talented, and I'm lucky to have him as my friend. My friend Nancy and I have been friends since middle school. She is so smart and talented and fun and nurturing and forgiving and I love being with her. I miss her so much now that she lives in Asheville. Heady is wonderful and so many things that I wish I was- creative, confident, funny- and we have so much in common- she shares my love for pop culture and reading. Marcy is such a great friend and has so many qualities that I really appreciate- she's one of the smartest people I've ever met, she's funny, witty, and kind. She's a Duke fan, but I guess that's forgivable. This is not, by any means, a complete list of my friends, and there are so many more that I am so thankful for that add so much to my life.
I am also lucky enough to know that my career is the only job in the world for me. I know for a fact that teaching is what I was put here on Earth to do. I love my students and no matter how much I complain about them or how crazy they make me (and they do make me crazy) deep down in my heart I love them. I love the age- it's such a neat one. They have such great personalities (most of them) and I am constantly learning things from them. I think I am a much more patient person because of them and also more understanding. But at the same time I've become quite a staunch proponent of personal responsibility and try to instill that in them.
I also have the greatest dog in the world. If I was a dog I would be Gracie and if she was a person she would be me: we're both fat, lazy, and just want someone to snuggle up to in bed. She is my doggie soul mate- the dog of my life- and I love her so much.
My apartment is great. It's small and faces the swamp, but it's cozy and I'm nearly finished decorating it. I've been here for just over two years and am really happy.
In short, I am a very blessed girl. I am so lucky to have so many positive things in my life and make a concerted effort to thank God for them everyday. I am hoping, through living my life, I can add even more positive things to my life!

Two things...

2009-02-01T18:01:00.000-08:00

**First, let me say to anyone who is reading, that I'm not going to post here everyday, only on days that I actually have something to write about. I think the minutia of my daily life would bore readers to tears, so I will only write about getting out and living my life...the point of this blog.

First thing...
I unexpectedly got out of my house tonight! I had been invited to a superbowl party by a couple of fellow teacher (both fabulous gals) and was planning to attend. Then my mom sprung my grandpa's 91st birthday party on me. I attended the party and didn't get back to my apartment until almost 7:00 so I couldn't go to the party. Bummer. Then my brother called me. He and some friends were at the Ale House and he wanted me to go. I made lots of excuses...I need to shower, I have to unpack my stuff (I had been to my parents' house), I'm tired, I'm broke...everything I could think of. He wouldn't let up so I said I'd go for a little while. Well, I went and I had a good time! I saw a friend from high school and got to meet the new girl Jordan's dating. It was a fun evening. I only stayed until the end of half time (and I didn't get there until 2nd quarter) but I had a really good time. Jordan even invited me to go out with them again! So far I'm doing a much better job of getting out and it feels good.

Second thing...
My second issue is something I've been dealing with for a long time...my weight. As long as I can remember I've let my weight get in my way and used it as an excuse for not doing something that I really want to do but am afraid of. Want to talk to that guy? I'm too fat, he'd never be interested. Want to join a sorority? They'd never let in a fatty like me. Want to have a good time? Fatties aren't allowed to have a good time! Even when I was at my lowest weight I still thought of myself as fat and let it get in my way. Well, those days are behind me. Will I be rejected by guys because I'm fat? Probably. Can I have fun? Absolutely. Do I deserve to be loved? Hell yes. Fat is no excuse for not living my life.
This doesn't, however, mean that I'm giving up my battle with my weight. I am going to start working out again- I'm going to attempt to get up early tomorrow morning and walk/jog. I may just hit the snooze button, but I'm definitely going to exercise tomorrow, even if it's after school. I'm going to be the best me I can be and live the life I want to live no matter what size my ass is!

Mission Statement

2009-01-30T16:33:00.000-08:00

In less than six months I will turn 30 years old and I have recently come to realize that I'm just alive, not really living my life. I spend most nights alone in my apartment reading a book or watching tv with the dog. My only consistent outings are my standing Saturday night dates with my BFF Curtis and as much as I love those (and I really really do) they are usually the same: dinner at one of a handful of restaurants and then a movie, always at one of two theaters. My life is predictable. My life is boring. My life is passing me by. It is time for me to get out of my apartment and into my life.
I am going to make a concerted effort to get out and live: to do more of the things I enjoy and find new things to try; to meet new people and to spend more time with the people I love; to spend less time looking pictures of other peoples' lives and get out and start taking some of my own; to take some risks and not regret them; to answer Hamlet's most famous question: "To be or not to be..." with a resounding TO BE!